Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
Arrogant Neighbor Fills In My Pond – My Clever Retaliation Teaches Him Not to Underestimate an Elderly Lady
The grandchildren adore frolicking in it, and sometimes I jest they might favor the pond over me!
All was serene until Brian became my neighbor five years ago. Right from the start, he was troubled by my pond.
“Margaret!” he’d shout from beyond the fence. “Those frogs disrupt my sleep! Can’t you quiet them down?”
With a grin, I’d respond, “Oh, Brian, they’re merely serenading you. No charge at all!”
He continued to grumble. “What about the mosquitoes? Your pond is a breeding ground!”
“Now, Brian,” I’d retort, “my pond is spotless. Perhaps those mosquitoes are from the clutter in your own yard.”
He’d storm off, and I assumed he’d adjust over time. However, I misjudged.
One day, I took a short trip to visit my sister, expecting nothing more than leisurely chats and card games. I returned to a shocking sight that chilled me to the core.
Arriving home, the familiar glint of water was missing, replaced by soil. Heart plummeting, I rushed from my car.
My neighbor, kindly Mrs. Johnson, approached hastily. “Margaret! Thank goodness you’re here. I tried to halt them, but they claimed to have authorization!”
“Stop whom? What authorization?” I stammered, fixated on the muddy remnant of my once-beloved pond.
“A team arrived yesterday, tasked by a company to drain and fill your pond,” Mrs. Johnson explained. “I protested that you were away, yet they presented official documents!”
Feeling betrayed, I realized twenty years of cherished memories had vanished overnight. I knew who was responsible.
“Brian,” I clenched my fists, seething.
“What will you do?” Mrs. Johnson inquired, her expression laden with concern.
I straightened up. “Well, I’ll show him why you shouldn’t trifle with a woman like Margaret!”
Firstly, I contacted my family. My daughter Lisa was incensed. “Mom, this is unlawful! We should inform the authorities!”
“Just wait, dear,” I counseled.
“Let’s gather evidence first.”
Then, my perceptive granddaughter Jessie reminded, “Grandma! What about the wildlife camera in the oak tree? It might have recorded something!”
Indeed, that camera captured our ace in the hole.
The footage unmistakably showed Brian, directing the team to destroy my pond. He seemed pleased with his stealthy mischief.
“Caught you,” I smirked.
Brian presumed I would overlook his actions due to my age and solitude. He underestimated my resourcefulness.
I immediately phoned the local wildlife conservation office.
“Good day,” I began politely. “I need to report the ruin of a protected natural area.”
The agent sounded puzzled. “Protected area, ma’am?”
“Absolutely,” I continued. “My pond hosted an endangered fish species, registered with your office years ago. And it’s been filled in without any lawful clearance.”
The conservation office doesn’t take such matters lightly.
Shortly, they were at Brian’s doorstep, imposing a hefty fine that surely made him wince.
“Gentlemen, we’re here concerning the illegal obliteration of a protected site on your neighbor’s land,” they informed Brian.
Brian blanched. “What? Protected site? It was merely a pond!”
“A pond that housed a recognized endangered fish species, Mr. Thompson. You authorized its destruction without proper consent.”
“This is absurd!” Brian protested. “That old pond was an eyesore! I was cleaning up the neighborhood!”
“Unfortunately, that ‘cleanup’ has resulted in a $50,000 penalty for breaching environmental laws,” they countered.
Brian was aghast. “$50,000? You must be joking! That pond was—”
I savored his dismay from afar, but my plans were not yet complete.
I called my grandson Ethan, a sharp attorney in the city.
“Ethan, dear,” I said. “How about assisting your grandmother in dealing with a neighborhood tyrant?”
Eager to aid, Ethan swiftly served Brian with legal papers for property damage and emotional harm.
While I could have stopped there, one more move remained.
Brian’s wife Karen, who always seemed reasonable, returned from work one evening, and I seized the opportunity for a candid talk.
“Evening, Karen,” I greeted her. “Can we chat for a moment?”
She nodded, weary yet accommodating. “Of course, Margaret. What’s troubling you?”
Over tea, I unveiled the entire saga about the pond – its origins, the joyful memories, and the wildlife it supported.
Karen’s expression shifted from bewilderment to shock. “Margaret, I was unaware,” she exclaimed. “Brian claimed the city mandated the pond’s closure for safety!”
“Well,” I reassured her, patting her hand. “Now you understand the full story.”
Subsequently, the neighborhood was abuzz, and Brian vanished for a while after Karen confronted him about his deceit.
One morning, the buzz of machinery woke me. Peering outside, I was astonished to see a team working in my yard under Karen’s supervision.
“Morning, Margaret. I hope you don’t mind, but I thought it was time to rectify things,” Karen greeted me as the crew worked to restore my pond.
Karen confided about Brian’s other questionable dealings. “This was just him venting his frustrations,” she shared softly.
With the pond reinstated, the environmental charges were withdrawn. Ethan persuaded me to drop the lawsuit as well, always the diplomat.
As for Brian, he disappeared out of state, humbled and defeated. Karen, now a frequent visitor, helped me care for the revived pond, grateful for the chance to make amends.
One serene evening by the restored waters, Karen mused, “Margaret, I never imagined I’d appreciate Brian’s mistake.”
Curious, I asked, “Why is that?”
She grinned, clinking our iced tea glasses. “If he hadn’t interfered, I might never have discovered such an incredible neighbor.”
Here I am, 74 and invigorated, with a rejuvenated pond, a new ally, and a tale for future family gatherings. Life always surprises, doesn’t it?
And if there’s a moral here, it’s never to underestimate a grandmother with a resolve and a competent attorney!
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