Parenting isn’t just a full-time job, it’s also often a comedy special you didn’t sign up for. From grocery store tantrums to kids with snappy comebacks, these hilarious moments prove kids and their parents are the ultimate jokesters!
The Case of the Missing Ladle
John, a well-to-do bachelor, invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the meal, the mum couldn’t help but notice how attractive her son’s housekeeper was and wondered if there was more going on than meets the eye.
A housekeeper | Source: Pexels
John sensing what his mother was thinking said to her: “I know what you’re thinking, mum, but I assure you my relationship with the housekeeper is purely professional.”
A week later, the housekeeper told John that ever since his mother’s visit a silver gravy ladle has been missing. John sent his mother a note that said: “Mom, I’m not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I’m not saying you didn’t, but the fact remains one has been missing since you were here.”
A gravy ladle | Source: Midjourney
A few days later he receives a note from his mother. “I’m not saying you’re involved with your housekeeper, and I’m not saying you’re not. But if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would’ve found the ladle by now.”
Mom’s Final Resting Place
A 97-year-old woman sits down with her attorney to discuss her last wishes.
An attorney in his office | Source: Pexels
“I have two requests before I die,” she begins. “First, I want to be cremated.”
The attorney nods respectfully. “Of course, I can arrange that.”
The woman continues, “And second, I’d like my ashes to be scattered over the roof of the Walmart down the road.”
A convenience store | Source: Pexels
The attorney blinks in surprise. “Walmart? Why Walmart?”
The old woman chuckles. “Because that way, I know my daughters will come to see me at least twice a week!”
The Birds, the Bees, and the Backfire
A mom calls her young daughter into the kitchen for “The Talk.”
A mother cooking with her daughter | Source: Pexels
Clearing her throat, she says, “Sweetie, I think it’s time we discussed… you know… sex.”
The daughter smirks and replies, “Alright, Mom! So, what have you heard so far?”
The Whisper Lesson
One evening, a little boy runs into the living room full of guests and shouts, “MOM! I GOTTA PEE!”
A boy shouting | Source: Pexels
Embarrassed, his mom pulls him aside and says, “Sweetie, we don’t say that. Instead, just say you need to whisper if you have to go to the bathroom.”
The next night, he tries it out. “Mom, I need to whisper,” he says quietly, and she takes him to the bathroom, proud of his new manners.
Later, he finds his dad watching TV and says, “Dad, I need to whisper.”
A boy talking to his father | Source: Midjourney
Without looking away from the screen, his dad grins and says, “Alright, buddy — whisper in my ear.”
Secrets Unlocked
A little girl sits in the backseat as her mom drives her to a playdate. Out of the blue, the girl asks, “Mommy, how old are you?”
Her mom sighs and says, “Sweetie, that’s not a polite question to ask someone.”
A serious woman driving | Source: Pexels
The girl thinks for a moment and then asks, “Okay, how much do you weigh?”
Annoyed, the mom responds, “That’s none of your business.”
Not giving up, the little girl asks, “Well, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
The mom, now clearly frustrated, snaps, “That’s enough! Stop asking so many personal questions!”
An angry woman driving | Source: Midjourney
Later that day, the little girl is telling her friend about the conversation. Her friend then tells her, “Just go and look at her driving license! It’s like a report card.”
The next day, the girl proudly announces to her mother, “I figured out everything about you, Mommy! I looked at your driver’s license. You’re 35, weigh 145 pounds, and you and Daddy got a divorce because you got an ‘F’ in sex!”
A smiling little girl | Source: Pexels
God Will Provide… Apparently
A young woman brings her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother suggests that her father get to know the young man better, so the father invites him to his study for a drink.
The father begins, “So, what are your plans for the future?”
A family dinner | Source: Pexels
The fiancé replies confidently, “I’m a scholar, sir.”
The father nods, then asks, “That’s admirable, but how will you provide a nice home for my daughter?”
The fiancé smiles. “I will study hard, sir, and God will provide.”
“And what about a beautiful engagement ring?” the father presses.
An engagement ring | Source: Pexels
“I will focus on my studies, and God will provide,” the fiancé repeats.
The father narrows his eyes. “And children? How will you support them?”
“Don’t worry, sir. God will provide.”
Later, the mother asks her husband how the conversation went.
A mature couple talking | Source: Pexels
He sighs and says, “The boy has no job, no plans, and worst of all, he thinks I’m God.”
Missy’s Grocery Store Adventure
A man notices a woman with a three-year-old in her shopping cart.
In the cookie aisle, the little girl screams for cookies. The mom calmly says, “Now, Missy, we’re almost done. Don’t make a fuss.”
A woman with a child in a store | Source: Pexels
In the candy section, the girl starts whining. The mom replies gently, “There, there, Missy. Just two more aisles, and we’ll be checking out.”
At the checkout line, the girl howls for gum. The mom reassures, “Missy, we’ll be home soon for a bottle and a nap.”
Impressed by her patience, the man compliments her in the parking lot. “I admire how calm you stayed with little Missy,” he says.
A man talking to a woman in a store | Source: Midjourney
The woman smiles tiredly. “Oh, no, my daughter’s name is Francine. I’m Missy.”
Family Secrets Unveiled
A son excitedly tells his dad, “Dad, I’m getting married!”
The dad smiles. “That’s great news! Who’s the lucky girl?”
“It’s Sally, the girl next door!” the son replies.
A happy smiling man | Source: Pexels
The dad’s face falls. “Son, I need to tell you something. Years ago, I made a mistake… Sally is your sister.”
Shocked, the son says, “Okay, then I’ll marry Katie, my old high school friend.”
The dad shakes his head. “I’m sorry, son, but Katie is also your sister.”
A smiling mature man | Source: Pexels
Frustrated, the son storms into the kitchen, where his mom is sitting. Having overheard the commotion, she looks up and says, “Marry whoever you want, dear! He’s not your real father anyway!”
Mom Always Knows
A young man says to his mom, “Mom, tonight I’m bringing over three girls. One of them is the one I want to marry. Let’s see if you can figure out which one it is.”
A man talking on his phone | Source: Pexels
That evening, the three girls come over for dinner. After they leave, the son asks, “So, Mom, which one do you think it is?”
Without hesitation, she replies, “It’s the one who sat in the middle.”
Amazed, he asks, “Wow, you’re right! How did you know?”
An excited smiling man | Source: Pexels
She smirks and says, “Because she’s already annoying me.”
Counting Lessons
A kid comes home from school with a black eye. His mom gasps and says, “Didn’t I tell you to be smart and count to a hundred before getting into a fight?”
The kid sighs and replies, “I did, Mom! But while I was counting to a hundred like you said, Billy punched me in the face. His parents only told him to count to fifty!”
A smiling small boy | Source: Pexels
Pantry Predicament
Mom says, “Tom, this morning I left two pieces of cake in the pantry, and now there’s only one. Can you explain that?”
Tom replies, “Well, Mom, it was really dark in there… I didn’t see the second piece!”
A chocolate cake | Source: Pexels
Parenting Logic
My 8-year-old was fighting with her sisters, so I asked, “All right, who started it?”
Without missing a beat, she replied, “You did — when you decided to have so many kids.”
An angry young girl | Source: Pexels
If you liked this, here’s some more jokes to tickle you blue:
7 Jokes with the Most Unexpected Plot Twists
Laughter is the best way to brighten your day, and we’ve got seven hilarious jokes that are sure to do just that! From marriage counseling gone wrong to jaw-dropping family secrets, these stories will have you laughing out loud. Get ready for a fun ride full of surprises!
Who doesn’t love a good laugh? Whether you’ve had a rough day or just need a little pick-me-up, we’ve got you covered.
A group of friends laughing | Source: Pexels
These jokes are guaranteed to brighten your mood. From husbands with some wild misunderstandings to surprising family twists, there’s something here for everyone.
Ready? Let’s dive into the fun!
Marriage Counseling with a Twist
After 30 years of marriage, a husband and wife sit in front of a therapist. The wife starts in on a long list of grievances: “He doesn’t listen to me, he’s distant, we haven’t been close in ages. I feel neglected, lonely, unloved…”
A couple in therapy | Source: Pexels
She keeps going and going, pouring out years of frustration. Finally, the therapist stands up, walks around his desk, and approaches the wife.
He asks her to stand and proceeds to lean in and give her a long, passionate kiss. The husband looks on in surprise, and the wife? She’s left completely speechless by the intensity of their therapist’s kiss.
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
The therapist turns to the husband and says, “Your wife needs this at least three times a week if you’re serious about saving your marriage. Can you manage that?”
Wanna read the rest of the joke?
15 Celebrities That Are Descendants of Great Historical Figures
Families can be a bit confusing. And not just when it comes to behavior and relationships, but also when it comes to bloodlines. Today, many companies use genetics to trace your ancestors, all the way back to many generations. These very companies have researched famous celebrities and found out some surprising facts about their antecedents.
Bright Side delved into just a handful of these celebrities and found some relationships. Enough for us to exclaim that history truly repeats itself.
1. Beyoncé Knowles is the 25th cousin of Queen Elizabeth II.
Beyoncé Knowles, well known for being music royalty, has royal blood running in her veins too. She is the 25th cousin to Queen Elizabeth, once removed since they both share King Henry II as a common ancestor.
2. Angelina Jolie has lineage from King Phillip II of France.
King Phillip II of France ruled from 1180 to 1223 and is known to have brought financial stability to his country. He also increased the royal coffers. Actress Angelina Jolie carries French royal blood considering she is a direct descendant of Philip II. Strangely enough, she played Queen Olympias in the 2004 movie Alexander, opposite Val Kilmer’s Phillip II, only this was Phillip II of Macedonia.
3. Brad Pitt is a descendant of King Henry II of England.
Brad Pitt is no less royal either. He can trace his ancestry back to King Henry II of England, who ruled from 1154 until his death in 1189. Coincidentally, King Henry II’s wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine, was first married to French royalty, making Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie somewhat predestined to a failed marriage. This also makes Pitt a 25th cousin, twice removed, to Queen Elizabeth.
4. Jane Austen is Anna Chancellor’s great-aunt.
In 1995, Anna Chancellor starred as Caroline Bingley in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice BBC Miniseries. But she has a deeper connection to Jane Austen as well. The highly venerated author is an 8-time great aunt to Chancellor.
5. H.H. Asquith is Helena Bonham Carter’s great-grandfather.
Helena Bonham Carter is best known for her off-the-beaten-path roles, like that of Mrs. Lovett in Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. But she comes from illustrious family background. Herbert Henry Asquith, the Prime Minister of the UK from 1908 to 1916, was her paternal great-grandfather. She is also related to Jane Austen, and subsequently to Anna Chancellor.
6. Harry Lloyd is a descendant of Charles Dickens.
Harry Lloyd, who plays Viserys Targaryen in Game of Thrones is the great-great-great-grandson of the famous Charles Dickens, the author. Lloyd’s mother, Marion is the descendant of the seventh child of Dickens, Henry Fielding Dickens, who in turn had 5 children.
7. Benedict Cumberbatch is the 16th cousin to King Richard III.
Benedict Cumberbatch is distantly related to King Richard III, who ruled England from 1452 to 1485. He was the last English king to have died during a battle, and later, there was a whole investigation into finding his remains, enough for a reburial. Cumberbatch, who plays Doctor Strange in the Marvel movies, is the 16th cousin to the king. He also read a poem at his royal ancestor’s reburial.
8. King Henry I is the ancestor of Sigourney Weaver.
There seem to be many celebrities who can trace their lineage right back to English kings. King Henry I, who ruled from 1100 to his death in 1135 may have died without a male heir, but his bloodlines spread far and wide. Actress Sigourney Weaver, known for her role in Alien, is a descendant of Henry I, and this also makes her the 24th cousin of the Queen, once removed.
9. Jake Gyllenhaal has antecedents back to King Edward III.
King Edward III ruled the English from 1312 to 1377 and is known as a rather conventional king, who pursued warfare but could also show great clemency. There are many celebrities who can claim blood relations with him, including Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal. Others include Michael Douglas, Hillary Duff, and more.
10. Meghan Markle is related to William Shakespeare.
We know Meghan Markle is related to the British Royal Family, by way of her marrying Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex. But she already has famous blood in her veins, considering she is cousins with the great playwright, William Shakespeare. Markle is a fifth cousin to the Bard, 12 times removed.
11. Ozzy Osbourne is related to Tsar Nicholas II, and more.
Then there is Ozzy Osbourne, and DNA might prove there is a method to his madness. Researchers say that the singer is not just a descendant of the Neanderthal man, but also a relative of outlaw Jesse James. But his claim to royal fame is with the last Russian Tsar, Nicholas II, whose entire family was wiped out in the revolution.
12. Cary Elwes is a descendant of infamous miser John Elwes.
Actor Cary Elwes is related to John Elwes. As a man, John Elwes may have been unremarkable except for the fact that he was an extreme miser. It is also alleged that he was Charles Dickens’s inspiration behind the miserly character, Ebenezer Scrooge, in the classic A Christmas Carol.
13. The Deschanel sisters are related to Louis IV of France.
Zooey and Emily Deschanel have both made their names in Hollywood. Zooey is the star of the series New Girl, while Emily Deschanel was the heroine of Bones. And both can lay claim to royal French blood, all the way back to King Louis IV of France, who ruled from 936 to 954.
14. Anderson Cooper is Cornelius Vanderbilt’s great-grandson.
Anchor and host Anderson Cooper is the great-grandson of Cornelius Vanderbilt, the shipping and railroad magnate whose familial wealth was once more than the US treasury. His mother, Gloria Vanderbilt was the granddaughter of Cornelius, but Cooper remembers deciding to start work early, considering the family fortunes were much diminished by the time he was in his teens.
15. Robert Pattinson is a descendant of Vlad the Impaler.
Robert Pattinson may have played the love-sick vampire, Edward Cullen, in the Twilight series, but he has a real-life blood connection to “Dracula.” Bram Stoker’s famous character was allegedly inspired by the Transylvania despot, Vlad the Impaler, and Pattinson is related to him, via the British royal family.
So which of these celebrity connections really caught your interest? Do you know of your family’s famous genealogical connections too?
Angelina Jolie’s relationship with her father, Jon Voight, has been complex and fraught with tension. However, they have managed to reconcile their differences, with Voight becoming a supportive figure in Jolie’s life, particularly during her divorce from Brad Pitt.
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