Who brings their parents to a first date? My boyfriend from a dating app did. But what really got me was the list of OUTRAGEOUS DEMANDS his parents brought with them. I knew I’d have to outwit them… but on my own terms.
When I virtually met Jacob on a dating site several months ago, we hit it off instantly. The connection felt real — the kind that makes your heart skip a beat when you see a new message notification. I grew to think that he was “the one,” but then when we actually met… well, let’s just say reality has a way of shattering our perfectly crafted illusions.
A woman holding a phone | Source: Unsplash
Three months of late-night texts and hour-long video calls had built up to this moment. Jacob wasn’t just another match; he was different.
While most guys led with cheesy pickup lines or bland “hey” messages, he had caught my attention with a detailed comment about my profile photo taken at Comic-Con.
“Is that a handmade Scarlet Witch costume?” he’d written. “The detail work is incredible!”
From there, our conversations flowed naturally. He listened, really listened, when I talked about my work as a graphic designer and my dreams of starting my own studio.
A woman using a computer | Source: Midjourney
He shared my love for true crime podcasts and could quote every episode of my favorite shows by heart. When I mentioned my sister’s battle with depression, he opened up about his own experiences with anxiety.
“I feel like I can tell you anything,” he’d said during one of our video calls, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’ve never connected with someone like this before.”
“Me neither,” I’d admitted, feeling my cheeks flush. “Sometimes I worry this is too good to be true.”
He’d laughed then, running a hand through his dark hair. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person. Friday at Coffee Beanz? 7 p.m.?”
A man using a laptop | Source: Pexels
“It’s a date! Finally!” I’d chirped, unable to contain my excitement.
“See you on Friday!” He said as I hung up, blushing.
I spent the entire week planning my outfit, finally settling on a gorgeous dress that my best friend Sarah insisted brought out my eyes.
“He won’t know what hit him,” she’d said, helping me style my hair.
Friday evening found me standing outside Coffee Beanz, smoothing down my dress for the hundredth time. Through the window, I could see couples enjoying their meals, soft candlelight flickering across their faces.
People in a cafe | Source: Unsplash
My hands were shaking slightly as I pushed open the heavy wooden door, the warm aroma of garlic and fresh bread enveloping me. My eyes nervously darted around in search of Jacob.
“Lia! Over here!”
I turned toward Jacob’s familiar voice, my practiced smile freezing on my face. There he sat, but not ALONE.
An older couple sat beside him, their faces beaming with smiles. My heart, which had been filled with excitement all day, sank to my stomach.
“Hey… um, hi, what’s going on?” I managed, my brain struggling to process the scene before me.
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
Jacob stood up, his bright smile unchanged as if this was completely normal. “Lia, I’m so excited to finally meet you! These are my parents, Linda and Patrick!”
Linda, a petite woman with perfectly coiffed gray hair and gold earrings that probably cost more than my monthly rent, gave me a practiced smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Patrick, sporting a dress shirt that seemed a size too small for his frame, barely looked up from his menu.
“Sit down, girl,” Linda patted the chair next to her, not next to Jacob. “While we wait for our appetizers, I have a few questions for you.”
An older lady smiling | Source: Midjourney
I sank into the chair, still trying to make sense of this ambush. The waiter appeared with water glasses, and I found myself wishing it was something stronger.
That’s when Linda pulled out a crisp sheet of paper from her designer handbag.
“Now then,” she cleared her throat, clicking her gold-plated pen. “I’ve prepared a brief questionnaire to help us get to know you better. I want you to fill it out.”
Sheets of paper on a table | Source: Pexels
My eyes scanned the paper she placed before me, each question worse than the last:
1. What is your current annual income and five-year career projection?
2. Please list any medical conditions, including a family history of genetic disorders.
3. How many romantic partners have you had, and what were the reasons for those relationships ending?
4. Do you own or lease your vehicle? What is your credit score?
5. Are you willing to sign a prenuptial agreement?
6. Do you plan to work after having children? If so, who will provide childcare?
7. What is your stance on living with in-laws?
8. Are you willing to host special occasions like Thanksgiving & Christmas every year without expecting a penny from your partner?
A startled woman covering her mouth | Source: Pexels
The questions went on and on like a never-ending train carriage. My water glass stopped halfway to my mouth. “I’m sorry, but is this for real?”
“Of course it is, dear,” Linda replied, her tone suggesting I was being deliberately difficult. “Our family has certain standards to maintain. We need to ensure any potential partners for our Jacob are… suitable.”
My eyes darted to Jacob, waiting for him to jump in, to say this was all a joke. But he just sat there, examining his napkin as if it held the secrets of the universe.
A man sitting casually | Source: Midjourney
Something snapped inside me. Three months of building this connection, sharing hopes and fears, only to be treated like a job applicant? No. This called for a different approach.
“Would you excuse me for just a moment?” I smiled sweetly. “Ladies’ room.”
Instead of heading to the restroom, I ducked into the convenience store next door. Five minutes later, I returned with my own notebook and pen.
“Before I answer your questions,” I said, sitting down with renewed confidence, “I have a few of my own.”
A woman holding a piece of paper | Source: Pexels
Linda’s perfectly plucked eyebrows shot up in surprise as I placed the paper with my questions on the table. She picked it up and began reading loudly, her face speaking volumes of her anger.
“Question one: At what point did you realize your son wasn’t capable of choosing his own partner?”
Patricks’s face reddened. Jacob finally looked up from his napkin.
“Question two: How many women have actually completed your interrogation process? Or do most run screaming before the credit check?”
“This is completely inappropriate!” Linda’s voice pitched higher as she continued to read.
A furious older woman with a man | Source: Midjourney
“Question three: Do you also inspect their teeth like show horses, or is that saved for the second date?”
“Question four: When Jacob moves out of your basement, will you be requiring his future wife to submit weekly progress reports?”
“Question five: Have you considered therapy for your control issues, or is that too personal a question?”
“That’s enough!” Jacob slammed his hand on the table, making the silverware jump. “You have no right to disrespect my family like this!”
An angry man | Source: Midjourney
I leaned back, crossing my arms. “Oh, but they have every right to treat me like I’m applying for a position at the FBI?”
“My parents are just looking out for me,” he protested, his voice weak. “They want what’s best— “
“No, Jacob. What’s best for you would be growing a backbone and living your own life.”
Linda and Patrick were already gathering their things, faces flushed with indignation. Linda’s hands shook as she stuffed her questionnaire back into her bag.
“We’re leaving,” she announced. “Jacob, come on. She’s not the one for you.”
“Wait!” I called out, loud enough for nearby tables to turn. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Side shot of a woman | Source: Midjourney
They paused. “WHAT??”
“Waiter, these people are trying to leave without paying their bill!” I announced loudly, waving to the waiter. “Guess running out on checks is another proud family tradition!”
The restaurant had gone quiet. Linda’s hands shook as she pulled out her credit card, practically throwing it at the waiter. I stood up, smoothing my dress once again.
“Well, this has been entertaining. I’ll cover my water.” I placed a five-dollar bill on the table and turned to Jacob.
“Good luck finding someone who meets your family’s rigorous standards. Although, you might want to try job recruitment sites instead of dating apps. I hear they provide detailed background checks and references.”
A woman laughing | Source: Midjourney
As I walked out into the cool evening air, my phone buzzed with a message from Jacob, “You didn’t have to be so cruel. My parents were just looking out for me.”
I typed back, “Just looking out for myself, mama’s boy. Goodbye!”
Later that night, Sarah called to hear about the date. After I finished telling her everything, she was quiet for a moment.
“You know what?” she finally said. “I bet Linda has a spreadsheet ranking all of Jacob’s potential wives.”
We both burst out laughing, and I felt the last of my disappointment melt away. Dodged a bullet? Absolutely. And I’ve never been so grateful for a red flag wrapped in a questionnaire.
A woman walking away | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
Jamie Lee Curtis overwhelmed with grief makes the heart-wrenching announcement
About her close friend and Curb Your Enthusiasm star Richard Lewis, who passed away on Tuesday at the age of 76 after a heart attack, Jamie Lee Curtis shared some very heartbreaking remarks.
The comedian and the 65-year-old actress, who portrayed the witch in Halloween, costarred in the sitcom Anything But Love for four seasons between 1989 and 1992.
After learning the tragic news of the actor’s passing on Wednesday, she shared a post on her personal Instagram profile. The first person to break the news was Bette Midler.
Curtis hailed the late singer in a lengthy statement for being “the reason I am sober” after sharing a number of vintage photos of the two of them.
Jamie battled an opiate addiction before celebrating 25 years sober this month.
“I recently found out about the passing of my friend Richard Lewis.” I can still clearly picture myself standing on Sunset Boulevard, staring at a poster advertising a stand-up special featuring him. I urged the casting staff to bring him in to try out for the role of Marty Gold, my best friend and potential boyfriend, during the ABC pilot Anything But Love casting process.
“I felt he had a good look.” It isn’t something a strong woman can really accomplish for herself, but someone made me giggle. He mispronounced the word “bundt cake,” but he still played the part, which made me laugh aloud.
Jamie remarked, “He blew everyone else away.” They added in their response that “the chemistry with Richard was so great,” even if they decided not to pick up the pilot for the love triangle show. Might we rework the initial pilot? We ultimately produced the show for two years in this manner.
He performed stand-up comedy as well, but he detested doing stand-up in front of actual audiences. I, however, thought it was fantastic.
In close-up, he would conceal his markings on door frames, objects, and even my face. He also carried a clipboard with his lines scribbled on it at all times. It turns out that he was a really good part actor. It’s hilarious and profound.
“We grieved together over the deaths of our friend and producer John Ritter as well as our friend and co-star Richard Frank,” she remarked.
“Richard expressed his desire for me to obtain another boxed set of show episodes from ABC/Disney in his most recent text message to me,” the actress said to her followers.
“He is also the reason I am sober,” Jamie continued. He was helpful to me. I shall always be appreciative of his kindness.
“He found love with Joyce, and that, of course, along with being sober, was what mattered most to him,” she stated when they discussed his wife Joyce Lapinsky. Writing this brings tears to my eyes.
It’s an odd way to express gratitude to a kind and humorous man. Richard, I hope you laugh till you die. Hannah exclaimed, “My Marty, I love you!” at the conclusion.
Jamie expressed her sadness over the passing of her longtime friend and former co-star in a second post.
She also included a line or two from the Anything But Love theme tune and another old photo of herself with Lewis.
“The great singer-songwriter JD Souther wrote this beautiful theme song for the third and final season of the TV show ANYTHING BUT LOVE, which aired on ABC for a few years,” Curtis said.
Look it up on YouTube and give it a listen. If not, I’ve recorded it for you right here. I’m presenting these to my buddy Richard Lewis today.
She revealed lyrics that read, “We would still be searching for the next big thing and trying not to fall… If we had never met/And the world got on without us/Just as if we were never that at all.”
“Hearts that beat like thunder and anything but love will do”Everything but love would be sufficient for everyone but you.
Celebrities and users of social media, including Larry David, who co-stars on Curb Your Enthusiasm, paid respect to the late Richard Lewis.
He told HBO, “He’s been like a brother to me for most of my life.” “In the same hospital, Richard and I were born three days apart.”
It doesn’t happen very frequently, but he was the sweetest and funniest guy at the same time. “But today he made me cry, and I’ll never forgive him for that,” the comic said in an interview with Variety.
Working alongside Lewis on the popular show, Cheryl Hines stated, “I had the biggest crush on Richard Lewis when I was young.”
“No one was cuter or more attractive on stage than him.” Then, a dream come true, I got to work with him on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
“I became more knowledgeable about Richard and his gifts as time went on.” He was humorous, which is why I fell in love with him, but he was also one of the kindest individuals I’ve ever met.
Cheryl stated, “He would take the time to tell the people he loved how much they meant to him, especially in the last few years.” In between takes on Curb, he told me how much he loved me and how essential I was to him.
“To have Richard Lewis love you.” An actual present. I adore you, Richard. You will be missed. I adore you, Joyce, and Richard’s entire family. Richard, Lawrence, cherished you.But you already know that.
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