Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
Little Orphan Prays in Church for Mom to Come for Him, ‘I’ll Take You,’ He Hears One Day – Story of the Day
A little orphaned boy cries in church, begging God to send his mother to take him. The next minute, he turns pale when a voice answers from behind, saying, “I’ll take you.”
A string of untold emotions is attached to kids abandoned by their parents. Six-year-old Alan was one such neglected child who yearned to see his mother but never got that chance.
One day, in a serendipitous encounter in church, little Alan’s world shifted. He was crying, begging God to send his mom to him, telling God how different his world would be if his mother were with him.
Amid his loud cries and heartwarming argument with God, a strange voice spoke up from behind, offering to take him…
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
“Dear Jesus, they say you hear everything. My guardians in the foster home told me to knock on your door and ask for everything I needed. I want my mommy. Can you please send her to me?”
“Alan, my boy! I’ve come for you. I’ve come to take you home.”
Alan cried as he folded his hands in prayer and stared at the crucifix. His eyes were painfully red, and his soft, pink cheeks were wet.
“My nanny told me you answer everyone’s prayers. Then why aren’t answering mine?”
The vestibule echoed with Alan’s loud cries. He was heartbroken. He did not want to return to the shelter, where kids often poked fun at him. They constantly taunted him saying his mom would never return and he had no choice but to wait for someone to adopt him.
“Nobody would be interested in taking a crybaby like you home,” were some of the harshest things he heard from fellow kids in the shelter. Alan cried his heart out that day, demanding God for an answer.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
“Alan, shhh!” his guardian, Nancy, interrupted. “It’s a church. Be quiet, and don’t cry. People are watching you. Please calm down.”
Alan tried to control his tears. He kept staring at the crucifix until he saw a woman with a child enter the church. He could no longer hold back his tears and started crying again.
“Jesus, you’re not answering me. Please, I want to be with my mommy like that girl. Nanny, why is Jesus not answering? You told me he answered all our prayers, but why hasn’t he told me anything?”
Nancy stared at the boy and grinned at his innocent questions.
“I’ll take you,” a woman’s voice suddenly said from behind them. “My baby, I’ve come for you. Please stop crying.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
Alan and Nancy were startled. They turned around, and behind them was the woman with the child Alan had seen moments ago.
“Alan, my boy! I’ve come for you. I’ve come to take you home,” she cried.
“Who are you? How do you know the kid’s name?” questioned Nancy, holding Alan tight.
“My name is Annette. I’m Alan’s mother. I come here daily to see him and ensure he’s fine.”
“Your son? Do you have any proof?”
Annette took out a photo of her holding a newborn baby in her arms. “I left him at the shelter’s doorstep six years ago.”
“This is unbelievable. This was how Alan looked when I first picked him up from the doorstep on that rainy night. I heard the loud cries of a baby outside on the patio and found him there. Why did you leave your baby? How can you be such a heartless mother?”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
Annette began to cry and disclosed the most saddening story of her life.
Six years ago, she was 16 and accidentally fell pregnant with her boyfriend’s child. After she revealed this to him, he dumped her and moved to another state, blocking her from contact. Annette’s parents advised her to terminate the pregnancy, but she couldn’t do it.
“My parents gave me only one choice—to abandon my baby or to forget them and the legacy I would inherit. I was too naive and young to become a mother, so I left my newborn baby at the shelter and moved on.”
Annette added that she finished college and married another man. The girl with her, Amy, was her daughter from this marriage.
“I tried my best, but I could not forget my son. I visit this church often to watch him from a distance. But after hearing him crying for his mother today, I could not hold back any longer. I want to take him home with me.”
Soon, Annette began the legal formalities to gain Alan’s custody back. She took DNA tests with him, revealing they were mother and son by a 99 percent match. Although she successfully took Alan home and restored their relationship, it came with a hefty price.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
Annette’s parents turned against her and cut her off from their lives and their will. Even worse, her husband turned against her despite knowing the truth about her shady past.
“I married you because you were honest about your failed relationship with your ex-boyfriend and thought you would never want that kid again. But now, even your parents have disowned you. Look, I’m not willing to father someone else’s child. I’m ready to support my daughter financially, but our marriage is over,” her husband Jason said, immediately filing for a divorce.
Annette and Jason were divorced shortly after. Annette got custody of her daughter and was delighted to have Alan back.
“Never come to us begging for money again” were the last words she heard her parents tell her, and Annette was fine with that. She felt her life was complete, even without her parents’ approval or their money.
She moved abroad with her two wonderful children, got a good job, and only looks forward to living a happy life.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Unsplash
What can we learn from this story?
- God answers our prayers. Whenever Alan went to church, he would cry and ask God to send his mother to him. One day, his prayers were answered when he heard a voice offering to take him, and it turned out to be his mother.
- Do not abandon your children and punish them for a mistake you have committed. When Annette fell pregnant at 16, her parents told her to abandon the baby. She obeyed them and moved on, unaware of how it would affect her son as he grew up.
A little girl cries in church, asking God to save her sick grandmother’s life. Suddenly, a voice speaks behind her, offering to help. Click here to read the full story.
This piece is inspired by stories from the everyday lives of our readers and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
Leave a Reply