Laughter truly is the best medicine, and who doesn’t love a good joke to brighten their day? From kids and animals to life’s quirky moments, these 12 jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a laugh-out-loud moment, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a collection of humor that’s as diverse as it is hilarious.
Friends laughing at something on a cell phone | Source: Pexels
The Parrot and the Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, a booming voice stopped him in his tracks: “Jesus is watching you!”
Terrified, he froze, but when silence returned, he crept forward again.
The voice echoed once more, “Jesus is watching you!”
Panicking, the burglar scanned the room and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Was that you?” he asked.
A burglar holding his hands against his head | Source: Pexels
“Yes,” the parrot replied.
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“Moses? That’s a dumb name for a parrot. What idiot named you that?”
A parrot in a birdcage | Source: Pexels
The parrot squawked, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Moses’ quick wit is just the start of this laughter-filled journey. As we turn the page to the next joke, prepare for a story that combines a bit of mystery with a generous dose of hilarity. Hold onto your sides as we dive into this playful tale by the cemetery.
The Nutty Cemetery Mix-Up
Two boys were sitting behind a nut tree near a cemetery fence, dividing a bucket of nuts. The bucket was so full that some nuts fell out and rolled away, ending up near the fence. The boys ignored them for now and continued dividing the nuts in the bucket.
Nuts lying on grass | Source: Pexels
“One for you, one for me,” they chanted.
A third boy cycling by heard the voices and thought, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing souls!” Terrified, he rushed to an old man further down the road. After much persuasion, the old man hobbled over with him to see what the boy was talking about.
Peering through the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me…”
Trembling, the old man whispered, “This is real!”
A shocked elderly man peering through a fence | Source: Midjourney
But just as they braced themselves, the boys finished dividing the nuts and said, “Now let’s fetch the ones by the fence.”
The old man reportedly made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
Those mischievous boys by the cemetery certainly knew how to spark some laughs. But now, let’s shift gears to a family situation with a humorous twist. This next joke shows just how creative (or not) some relatives can be when left in charge.
The Twin Naming Fiasco
A man attending a conference overseas got the news that his wife had given birth to twins. Excited, he called her and asked, “Who took you to the hospital?”
A happy man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Your brother, Joe,” she replied. “And since I was under anesthesia, he also named the babies.”
Horrified, the husband exclaimed, “Joe’s a moron! What did he name them?”
“Well, we have a girl and a boy. He named the girl Deniece.”
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?”
A thoughtful man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Joe called him De-nephew.”
Joe’s naming antics were nothing short of entertaining, weren’t they? But hold on, because this next tale introduces a farmer who takes communication to a whole new level. Get ready to laugh as a lawyer struggles to decode a farmer’s quirky requests.
The Farmer’s Divorce Dilemma
A farmer walked into a lawyer’s office and said, “I want a day-vorce.”
A farmer standing in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer asked, “What grounds do you have?”
“About 140 acres,” the farmer replied.
Exasperated, the lawyer asked, “Do you have a grudge?”
“Sure do—that’s where I park my tractor.”
Finally, the lawyer shouted, “Why do you want a divorce?”
A lawyer leaning on his desk, looking frustrated | Source: Pexels
The farmer sighed, “I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
The farmer’s take on communication left us in stitches, but the humor doesn’t stop there. This time, we’re jumping into the world of a frog with an unusual destiny. Get ready for a ribbit-ing prediction that’s bound to crack you up.
The Frog’s Unfortunate Prediction
A frog called a psychic hotline.
A frog on a table | Source: Pexels
He was thrilled when the psychic told him, “In the next month, you’ll meet a beautiful young woman. She’s going to be fascinated by you and want to know everything about you.”
“Where will I meet her?” the frog asked eagerly. “Will we be at a party? Or, maybe she’ll be strolling past my home?”
The psychic replied, “None of those. You’ll meet her in her biology class next semester.”
A woman speaking into a headset microphone | Source: Pexels
Just when you thought things couldn’t get more unexpected, we’ve got a wartime confession that’s equal parts surprising and amusing. This joke reveals how even serious situations can take a turn for the hilariously awkward. Let’s dive in.
The Never-Ending War
A man in Amsterdam confessed to his priest, “During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.”
“That’s not a sin,” the priest reassured him. “You helped someone in need.”
A priest listening to a confession | Source: Pexels
“But I charged him 20 Gulden a week,” the man added.
“That wasn’t good, but you still saved his life,” said the priest.
The man lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. But tell me, Father, do I have to tell him the war’s over?” asked the man.
A man confessing his sins to a priest | Source: Pexels
That moral dilemma from WWII had quite the twist, didn’t it? Now, let’s step into the workplace for a story of pure comedic misfortune. Brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud moment that could only happen to someone truly unlucky.
The Iron Phone Incident
Mark showed up to work with two red, sore ears.
His coworker asked, “What happened?”
A man working on a construction site glancing to one side | Source: Pexels
Mark explained, “I was ironing while watching TV. When the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.”
“And the other ear?”
“The guy called back.”
Mark’s phonecall mishap had us in tears, but this next one takes us to a fast-food joint where sharing gets a hilarious spin. Get ready for a tale of an elderly couple who redefine the concept of “togetherness” in the quirkiest way possible.
Sharing is Caring
An elderly couple walked into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one burger and a small order of fries. As they sat down, they carefully split everything: the burger, the fries, even the drink.
A burger and fries on a table | Source: Pexels
A trucker watching nearby felt sorry for them and offered to buy the wife her own meal.
The husband politely declined, saying, “Oh, no, thank you. We share everything.”
A few minutes later, the trucker noticed that while the husband was eating, the wife hadn’t touched a bite.
Concerned, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
A trucker seated in a fast-food restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The wife replied sharply, “Because I’m waiting for the teeth!”
From fast-food hilarity to a nocturnal adventure, this next joke is a real screamer—or should we say squeaker? Join us as we enter the world of bats with a twist that’s both dark and uproarious.
The Blind Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave covered in blood, only to be hounded by others asking where he got the blood.
Bats hanging in a cave | Source: Pexels
Finally, he led them through a forest and pointed to a tree.
“Do you see that tree?” he asked.
“YES!” they screamed.
“Good,” he said, “because I didn’t!”
That bat’s nocturnal adventure was one for the books, but now it’s time for a lighter laugh. This next joke involves flowers, sympathy, and a classic case of mixed messages that’ll leave you grinning.
The Florist’s Card Mix-Up
A store owner was thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on the opening day of his new business.
A bouquet with a card | Source: Pexels
However, his excitement turned to confusion when he read the card attached: “Deepest Sympathy.”
Puzzled, the man called the florist to report the mistake. The florist apologized profusely and said, “I’m so sorry about that! Your card must have been sent to the funeral home instead.”
The store owner asked, “What did that card say?”
A man holding a note while making a phone call | Source: Pexels
The florist replied, “‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Florists may have their missteps, but wait until you hear about this lawyer with a name that’s as clever as his joke. This next tale is all about wordplay and a fitting tribute with a punchline to match.
The Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange ordered a tombstone inscribed, “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer.”
The stonecutter refused, saying, “It’s illegal to bury two people in one grave. But I can write, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer.'”
A man ordering a tombstone | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer protested, “How will people know it’s me?”
The stonecutter replied, “Easy. They’ll read it and say, ‘That’s Strange!'”
We’ve had clever wordplay and hilarious mix-ups, but now it’s time to finish strong with a tale of extreme conditions and an unexpected celebration. Buckle up for this finale that’s sure to leave you laughing out loud.
The Farmer in Hell
A farmer from Texas found himself in hell after he passed away. The Devil was surprised to find the farmer unfazed and smiling in the heat.
A farmer relaxing in Hell | Source: Midjourney
“Why are you so happy?” asked the Devil.
The farmer replied, “This feels just like a hot June day back home when I’m plowing my fields.”
Annoyed, the Devil increased the heat to 105 degrees with stifling humidity. Yet the farmer continued to smile no matter how high the Devil cranked up the heat.
Finally, the Devil decided to freeze hell over, setting the temperature to a bone-chilling -10 degrees.
Frozen lava | Source: Midjourney
To the Devil’s surprise, the farmer began running around and shouting with joy.
“What are you so happy about now?” the Devil demanded.
The farmer shouted, “The Cowboys must’ve won the Super Bowl!”
Whether it’s a parrot outsmarting a burglar or a farmer making the Devil sweat, these stories are sure to brighten your day.
Two women laughing together | Source: Pexels
So, share them with friends, family, or coworkers, and keep the laughter going. After all, life’s too short not to laugh out loud!
Keep the laughs coming with these jokes about bars, jobs, and quirky animals.
I Sold My Late Mom’s Belongings at a Flea Market, Where a Stranger’s Story Made Me Secretly Take a Hair from His Coat for a DNA Test — Story of the Day
While selling my late mom’s belongings, an older man recognized her pendant. His story shook me, and as he turned to leave, I took a strand of hair from his coat, determined to uncover the truth about my father.
After my mother passed away, I walked into our old house, and the silence hit me like a wave. The rooms felt hollow like they were waiting for someone who wasn’t coming back.
“Okay, just start,” I whispered to myself, though my legs refused to move.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
The air smelled faintly of her cinnamon rolls, always warm on Saturdays. I could almost hear the rustle of her dress as she walked through the hall, humming under her breath. But now, everything was still.
I forced myself toward the living room. Boxes were stacked neatly, waiting for me to decide their fate. My fingers hovered over the first one, and I sighed.
“This is ridiculous. It’s just stuff.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
But every item pulled at me. Her old coffee mug, the one with the chip that I always told her to throw away. Her scarf, the one I’d borrowed without asking. I couldn’t let go, not yet.
And then I saw it. The pendant. It was tucked under a stack of faded letters. The emerald gleamed, catching the dim light.
“I’ve never seen this before. Where did this come from?”
Mom never wore jewelry like this. I stared at it.
“Well,” I said to myself again, “I guess it goes in the sale box.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
***
The fair was alive with energy. The sweet, nutty aroma of roasted almonds and caramel was mixed with the faint tang of dust kicked up by the crowd.
My little table was wedged between a stall selling handmade candles and another offering second-hand books.
“Not exactly prime real estate,” I muttered to myself, rearranging a few items on the table.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
People walked by, some slowing down to glance at the assortment of belongings from my mother’s house. A couple picked up an old vase, murmured something to each other, and put it back. A child tugged at his mother’s sleeve, pointing at a set of vintage postcards.
“Excuse me,” a deep, slightly raspy voice broke through the noise.
I looked up to see an older man standing before me. His face was weathered, with deep lines etched around his eyes and mouth. He pointed to the pendant lying among the other items.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“May I?” he asked.
“Of course,” I replied, watching as he picked it up carefully.
He held it up to the light. His expression softened.
“This pendant,” he began, his voice quieter now, “it’s beautiful. Where did it come from?”
“It belonged to my mother,” I explained, folding my hands nervously. “I found it while sorting through her things.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
He didn’t respond immediately. Instead, he stared at the pendant as if it held a secret only he could see.
“I gave one just like this to a woman once,” he said finally, his words slow and deliberate. “Her name was Martha. We spent a summer together—years ago, decades really. It was… unforgettable.” His lips curved into a bittersweet smile. “But life pulled us apart. I never saw her again.”
My heart thudded in my chest.
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“Martha,” I repeated under my breath. That was my mother’s name.
Could it be possible? I studied the man closely, searching for any hint of familiarity. I needed to get more information about him.
“Do you want to keep it?” I blurted, the words escaping before I could think them through.
He looked startled. “Oh, I couldn’t…”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“I insist,” I said quickly. “But let me clean it first. I can make it look as good as new and send it to you later.”
His hesitation melted into a nod. “That’s very kind of you.” He reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a scrap of paper. “Here’s my address.”
“Thank you, Mr.?”
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“Jackson,” he said, scribbling quickly and handing me the paper.
As he returned the pendant to me, my eyes caught a strand of hair on his coat, fine and silver. Without a second thought, I reached out discreetly and plucked it between my fingers.
“Nice to meet you, Jackson,” I said, slipping the strand into my pocket.
I had what I needed. It was time to find out the truth.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
***
I wrestled with the decision for days before finally handing over the strand of hair for a DNA test. The question of whether Mr. Jackson could be my father consumed me. My mother had never spoken of him, and that part of her life felt like a stolen chapter from my own biography.
She had secrets that even her death couldn’t bury. In the end, my need for answers outweighed my doubts. I submitted the sample and waited.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
Weeks passed, each day stretching endlessly, but then the results arrived. My hands shook as I opened the envelope, and my breath caught in my throat as I read the words: 99% probability.
Jackson was my father.
“Are you sure?” I had called the clinic, my voice trembling.
“Absolutely,” the technician replied. “There’s no mistake.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
Armed with this truth, I found myself standing outside Jackson’s modest house, the pendant clutched tightly in my hand. My heart pounded as I knocked on the door.
He answered almost immediately, his expression shifting from surprise to curiosity.
“Miss…?” he began, but I quickly interrupted, extending the pendant toward him.
“This is yours,” I said softly.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
He hesitated before taking it. But when I explained the DNA test, his expression changed sharply. His brows furrowed, and his mouth tightened.
“You did what?” he demanded.
“I had to know,” I replied, my voice steady despite my racing heart. “The test confirmed it. You’re my father.”
Before he could respond, a girl, maybe fifteen, appeared at his side. She slipped her hand into his, her wide eyes flickering between us.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“This is Julia,” Jackson said, his tone suddenly protective. “My daughter.”
“Who’s this?” she asked softly.
The sight of her only deepened the storm in Jackson’s eyes. He turned back to me, his voice rising.
“You had no right to do this,” he snapped. “I don’t believe you. I think you’re here because you want something.”
“Want something?” I repeated, my frustration breaking through. “I don’t want anything from you! I’ve spent my entire life wondering who my father was. Wondering why he wasn’t there!”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
But my words fell flat. Jackson shook his head, his jaw tight.
“Leave,” he said firmly, stepping back and closing the door.
I stood there, stunned and heartbroken, until the door creaked open again. Suddenly, Julia slipped out.
“Wait,” she called, catching up to me. “You seem to be my sister, right?”
I hesitated, then nodded. “It’s possible.”
Her face lit up with a small smile. “Come back tomorrow. I’ll talk to him. Please.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
***
The next day, I returned to Jackson’s house. I didn’t know what to expect. When he opened the door, he looked different—calmer, almost vulnerable.
“I owe you an apology,” he said, stepping aside to let me in. “Yesterday, I… I didn’t handle things well.”
“It’s okay,” I replied. “I understand. It was a lot to take in.”
We settled into the living room. The pendant lay in his hands as he turned it over slowly, his fingers tracing its edges. The silence stretched, but finally, he spoke.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
“I gave this to your mother the day I asked her to marry me,” he said, his voice low. “I didn’t have a ring, but I wanted her to know how serious I was. She laughed and said she didn’t need diamonds. But not long after that, she… she ended things.”
“Ended things?” I asked, my brow furrowing. “Why?”
He sighed heavily. “I was going to go abroad to follow my dreams. I asked her to go with me. I didn’t know she was pregnant. If I had…”
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His voice trailed off, thick with regret.
“She never told me that,” I murmured. “She always said she was happy raising me alone. She never talked about you, not even once.”
Jackson looked up, guilt shadowing his face. “I think she wanted to protect you from… me. I didn’t fight for her the way I should have. And when I saw you yesterday, all I could think about was Julia. I was afraid of how she’d react, afraid of failing as a father again.”
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
Julia, who had been sitting quietly in the corner, stepped forward.
“You didn’t fail me, Dad,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “And maybe this is a chance to make things right. For all of us.”
I reached into my bag, pulling out an old journal I’d found in the attic.
“I found this,” I said, holding it out to Jackson. “It’s my mom’s diary. I think you should read it.”
His hands trembled slightly as he opened the worn book. “What does it say?”
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I swallowed hard. “She wrote about why she left. She said she loved you, but she was scared. She’d just found out she was pregnant, and she thought… she thought you’d feel trapped. That you’d never follow your dream. I think she let you go because she loved you.”
“She couldn’t have been more wrong. She was my dream,” he whispered.
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The room fell silent, the weight of unspoken years pressing down on all of us. Finally, Jackson looked at me.
“I can’t change the past,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “But if you’ll let me, I’d like to be part of your life now.”
That evening, we sat down for a simple dinner. The food didn’t matter. It was the warmth around the table that I’d been missing for so long. As Julia cracked a joke and Jackson smiled for the first time, I felt something shift inside me. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel alone. I had found my family.
For illustration purposes only | Source: Midjourney
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