According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My MIL Snuck My Son Out at Night – What She Planned Next Had Me in Shock
Escaping my ex-husband should have marked the end of my nightmare, but instead, it was just the start of a new one. When my former mother-in-law showed up at our new home, I never imagined her obsession would lead to a morning I still can’t forget. What she did to my son, Tyler, was something I could never forgive.
Being a single mom already feels like running a marathon that never ends. There’s work, chores, and taking care of Tyler—it’s a lot to handle. But when you add an ex-mother-in-law who’s determined to make your life harder? That’s when things truly start to spiral out of control.
I live with my 10-year-old son, Tyler, in a cozy little house. It’s not fancy, but it’s ours, and I’m proud of it. I bought it after splitting from my ex-husband, Billy, thanks to some smart investments I’d made. Who knew those would be my way out?
Billy and I were together for about 15 years. During that time, I knew him as a kind and compassionate man who treated women with respect.
I used to think his mother, Valerie, had raised a really good man. But things between us started to change, and so did my view of everything.
It all started when Billy lost his job in finance and couldn’t find one that paid him the same. This change really turned his life upside down. He began staying out all night, spending our savings at casinos. One day, I tried to talk some sense into him.
“Why don’t you accept one of those job offers, Billy?” I asked gently. “I know the pay isn’t great, but it’s better than nothing, right?”
“I told you I don’t want to settle for less!” he snapped at me. “Did I ask you for advice? Stop bothering me with your unwanted career advice and go find something else to do!”
That was just a taste of what I had to deal with. But I kept giving him chances, hoping he would change. It broke my heart to see the man I loved become so miserable and angry.
Then came the day when I realized I couldn’t stay with him anymore, especially not with Tyler around.
I remember it was a Thursday night, and Billy wasn’t home when I got back from work. I thought he must be at the casino or the club like usual.
“Where’s Daddy?” Tyler asked me as I tucked him into bed.
I hated lying to him, but what could I say?
“He’s out for some work, honey,” I lied, unable to meet my son’s eyes.
Tyler is smart, though.
“Work? But you said Daddy doesn’t work anymore,” he replied. “I don’t think he’s at work.”
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow, love,” I said, running my hand through his hair. “Now come on, it’s time to sleep.”
After leaving Tyler’s room, I headed to mine for some much-needed rest. But as I approached, I heard muffled noises.
I heard Billy’s voice, and that was okay. But then I heard a woman’s voice in MY bedroom.
It all started when Billy lost his job in finance and couldn’t find one that paid him the same. This change really turned his life upside down. He began staying out all night, spending our savings at casinos. One day, I tried to talk some sense into him.
“Why don’t you accept one of those job offers, Billy?” I asked gently. “I know the pay isn’t great, but it’s better than nothing, right?”
“I told you I don’t want to settle for less!” he snapped at me. “Did I ask you for advice? Stop bothering me with your unwanted career advice and go find something else to do!”
That was just a taste of what I had to deal with. But I kept giving him chances, hoping he would change. It broke my heart to see the man I loved become so miserable and angry.
Then came the day when I realized I couldn’t stay with him anymore, especially not with Tyler around.
I remember it was a Thursday night, and Billy wasn’t home when I got back from work. I thought he must be at the casino or the club like usual.
“Where’s Daddy?” Tyler asked me as I tucked him into bed.
I hated lying to him, but what could I say?
“He’s out for some work, honey,” I lied, unable to meet my son’s eyes.
Tyler is smart, though.
“Work? But you said Daddy doesn’t work anymore,” he replied. “I don’t think he’s at work.”
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow, love,” I said, running my hand through his hair. “Now come on, it’s time to sleep.”
After leaving Tyler’s room, I headed to mine for some much-needed rest. But as I approached, I heard muffled noises.
I heard Billy’s voice, and that was okay. But then I heard a woman’s voice in MY bedroom.
I won’t go into details about what I saw when I opened that door. Let’s just say it was the final straw.
Billy wasn’t just cheating. He had no respect for me or his role as a father. Who brings their mistress home when their wife and child are there? A man who doesn’t care, that’s who.
So, to make a long story short, I left Billy the next day and sent him the divorce papers. He didn’t even try to fight for custody or visitation rights.
After leaving the house, we stayed at a friend’s place until I found our new home. It’s about two hours away from Billy’s place, and I thought Tyler and I could live peacefully here. But that was not the case.
There was one person determined to be part of our lives: Billy’s mother, Valerie.
I had no idea she had been stalking us until she showed up at our doorstep. We had barely been in our new place for two days when I heard that dreaded knock.
I opened the door, and there she was with her perfectly styled gray hair. My ex-MIL, Valerie, was ready to make our lives miserable.
“Margaret, dear! I’m here to see my grandson,” she said cheerfully, as if showing up uninvited was perfectly normal.
“Come in, Valerie,” I replied with a fake smile. “But please keep it short. We were just about to have dinner.”
She walked past me and headed into the living room.
“So, this is where you’ve been hiding,” she remarked. “It’s quaint.”
“Tyler’s in his room,” I said, trying to change the subject. “I’ll go get him.”
But before I could move, Valerie turned to me. The look on her face was something I’d never seen before.
“Margaret, we need to talk about Billy,” she began. “You shouldn’t have left him like that.”
I could feel my cheeks burning with anger.
“Valerie, that’s none of your business. My relationship with Billy is over.”
“But I’m worried about Tyler,” she insisted. “A boy needs his father. You’re being selfish by keeping him away from his family.”
That was it. I’d had enough.
Then, I checked the bathroom, the living room, and even looked under his bed. Nothing. He wasn’t there.
I could feel my heart pounding hard against my chest.
Where was he? I thought. Had he wandered out in the night? No, my boy would never do that.
Then I realized I needed to check the security cameras. So, I picked up my phone with shaking hands and looked at the footage from last night. I couldn’t believe what I saw.
It read: “IN 2 HOURS, YOUR SON WILL BE MINE FOREVER.”
My knees felt weak, and I gripped the counter to keep from falling. What did she mean? Where was she taking him?
I paced in the living room, waiting for the police to arrive. At that point, I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think straight. All I knew was that I had to get my son back before it was too late.
Thank God they took it seriously and immediately started tracing her phone.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, the police got a lead. Valerie’s car had been spotted near the town cemetery. It was about 20 miles from our house.
What on earth is Valerie doing there with Tyler? I thought.
Before long, the police drove me to the cemetery. As we pulled up, I saw Valerie standing near a gravestone with Tyler, who looked half-asleep. She was talking to him in a low voice.
“Tyler!” I screamed, jumping out of the car before it had fully stopped.
Valerie’s head snapped up, and she looked angry.
“No!” she shouted. “He needs to be with his daddy!”
The police were right behind me. They grabbed Valerie before she could do anything else, and I scooped Tyler into my arms, crying with relief.
As they led her away, Valerie kept muttering about how Billy “wanted his son back.” It was clear she had lost touch with reality a long time ago.
That day, I promised myself I would never let Valerie near my son again. She’s in custody now, but the memory of that morning still haunts me.
I don’t know if I’ll ever truly feel safe again.
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