Warning: The content of this piece may upset some readers.
Most people enjoy getting a little scared by a horror movie every once in a while, right? The kind that’s packed with blood, guts, and surprise moments that you can’t forget.
But do you think you could handle the most talked-about horror movie out there? This one is on another level.
We’re not talking about something like Sydney Sweeney’s Immaculate, which might cause a little buzz because of its satanic themes.
We’re talking about a horror movie so extreme that it’s been banned in over 40 countries. Yes, seriously!
It even got a film festival director in trouble, and he was arrested for showing it.
The movie we’re talking about? A Serbian Film. And believe me, I’m not exaggerating with how intense it is.
The story follows Milos, a retired Serbian porn star, who gets an offer to star in one last movie for a lot of money.
But soon, he finds himself stuck in a horrifying snuff film, filled with such disturbing sexual scenes and violence that some of it is too shocking to even explain.
When the director, Srđan Spasojević, was interviewed by Indiewire about what inspired the film, he said: “We wanted to show our true feelings about our region and the world. On the surface, everything seems polite and politically correct, but underneath, it’s really messed up.”
Released in 2010, the movie caused a huge controversy.
To be shown in any country, major cuts had to be made just to get a rating.
In the US, about a minute was cut to get an NC-17 rating.
In the UK, they had to cut a massive three minutes and 48 seconds from 11 different scenes just to show it in theaters.
In 2011, a bold film festival director, Angel Sala, got into trouble and was charged with “exhibiting child pornography” after a Roman Catholic group complained about a screening of the movie.
Although the charges were dropped, Sala could have faced a year in prison if things had gone differently.
Out of the 46+ countries that have banned the film, big ones like Spain, Australia, and Malaysia won’t allow it to be shown at all.
Critics are divided on A Serbian Film. Some admire the director’s vision, while others call it “disgusting.”
Film critic Mark Kermode said, “The director claims it’s symbolic, but if that’s true, the message gets lost in the ridiculous gore.”
“The most frustrating part is that regular torture porn is bad enough, but when it tries to be deep and artsy, it’s even worse.”
If you’re still thinking, “Hmm, I might give it a try,” a top review on IMDB might change your mind. It says: “I heard about this movie on YouTube, someone said don’t watch it, it’s made to disturb you. But I didn’t listen, and now I feel like throwing up. Please don’t watch this, just don’t, I’m literally crying right now.”
After reading that, I’m thinking I’ll take their advice.
If you’re in the US and still curious, A Serbian Film is available on Vudu.
But honestly? I’d skip it. Seriously.
Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around
A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
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