‘Families don’t have to match’ – Black couple share their journey to adopting three white children

Sadie and Jarvis Sampson tried everything for years to get pregnant, and eventually they accepted that they would only ever be aunt and uncle. Then, one day, they received a text that completely turned their world upside down.

Since getting married in January 2018, the pair has been trying to get pregnant, so when that didn’t work out naturally, they tried everything else.

The Houston mother told Love What Matters, “Ovulation tests, prenatal vitamins, cycle tracking apps, fertility monitors.”

“We didn’t even try our luck at following the unsolicited counsel of strangers, friends, and family. We tried, prayed, and waited for fourteen months. Month after Month. pregnancy test negative following negative test. It appeared like we would require help getting pregnant. We even went so far as to discuss it with medical professionals.

The couple seemed to get little assistance from the doctors. Sadie was advised by everyone that she would get pregnant if she reduced weight. Since she had no other options, she underwent gastric surgery and shed 28 pounds.’

“She informed me that since she was unable to give me the fertility medication, she would refer me to a fertility specialist if I wasn’t pregnant within six months,” Sadie recalled. I was ecstatic to hear that. We finally received a response other than “no”! We were ecstatic to hear “not right now.”

Unfortunately, though, the couple felt as though they had begun over after Sadie lost the weight and they were unable to conceive.

Connecting the Dots – Adoption Puzzle Fundraising EventAs everyone is aware, we received a call regarding our little two weeks ago.

Published on Friday, August 30, 2019 by Sadie Sampson

Sadie said, “I had always felt like I was meant to be a mother.” “I was still not pregnant even though my surgeon had spent a long time to warn me about how fertile I would be following surgery. Thus, we gave up. We came to the realization that our only destiny was to be our nieces’ aunts and uncles and our goddaughters’ godparents.

The couple had just come to the painful conclusion that they would not be able to conceive when Sadie’s friend texted her to ask if they would be willing to foster a child that a couple she knew was thinking about for themselves.

At first, the couple was apprehensive since they had been instructed by a caseworker to look after the child while the mother sought therapy. The couple was concerned that they would grow overly devoted to the child. But soon after, the narrative was altered.

The caseworker stated, “The birth mother decided she would prefer you guys adopt the child instead.”

“Holy crap!!” was the first thing Sadie uttered out loud when she learned she was expecting a child.

“Overnight, we went from not having any kids to possibly fostering one to, ‘You guys are parents!’” Still in shock, I listened to the caseworker as she spoke. After hanging up, I dialed my spouse! “Baby!” They desire that we adopt the child! They want us to have kids,” I cried out. Hold on! Really? He exclaimed, “I assumed they just wanted us to foster him.” “Nope!” “They want us to be his parents,” I remarked.

Over the weekend, the couple not only processed the surprising news but also braced themselves in case the mother had second thoughts.

On Monday, the mother not only expressed her desire for them to adopt the child, but also stated that she was prepared to sign the adoption papers independently.

At 33 weeks, their son had been born—seven weeks ahead of schedule. His weight was 4 lbs. 5 oz. Sadie writes, “He fit in one of my husband’s hands.”

Sadie said, “He was so small, swaddled in a white blanket with stripes of pink and blue.” He was early, therefore he couldn’t eat on his own, thus an NG tube was coming out of his nose. But my goodness, was he adorable!

The couple was urged to create a registry after they announced their announcement on social media. In just three days, 55 of the 72 goods they had advertised had been purchased.

Following the adoption of Ezra Lee, which was completed in October 2020, the couple had the cutest family portraits shot, sporting t-shirts that said, “Families don’t have to match.”

Through embryo donation, Sadie and Jarvis became parents to twin twins, Destinee and Journey, in 2021. The black couple, adhering to their family credo, “Families don’t have to match,” gave birth to three white children: two girls and one boy.

There is just one reaction for anyone who judges this lovely family: love is the strongest foundation there is.

I Returned Home from Work to Find My Adopted Twin Daughters, 16, Had Changed the Locks and Kicked Me Out

Thirteen years ago, I adopted my late husband’s secret twin daughters after his fatal car crash revealed his double life. I gave them everything, but at sixteen, they locked me out of my home. One week later, I discovered the shocking reason for their actions.

The morning Andrew died began like any other. The sun had just started peeking through my window, painting everything in a soft, golden light that made even my shabby countertops look almost magical.

It was the last normal moment I’d have for a long, long time.

When the phone rang, I almost didn’t answer it. Who calls at 7:30 in the morning? But something, intuition maybe, made me pick up.

“Is this Ruth?” A man’s voice, formal, hesitant.

“Speaking.” I took another sip of coffee, still watching the steam dance.

“Ma’am, I’m Officer Matthews with the Police Department. I’m sorry to inform you, but your husband was in an accident this morning. He didn’t survive.”

The mug slipped from my hand, shattering against the linoleum. Coffee splashed across my bare feet, but I barely felt it. “What? No, that’s… no… not my Andrew!”

“Ma’am…” The officer’s voice softened. “There’s more you need to know. There was another woman in the car who also died… and two surviving daughters. Records in our database confirm they’re Andrew’s children.”

I slid down the kitchen cabinet until I hit the floor, barely registering the coffee soaking into my robe.

The room spun around me as ten years of marriage shattered like my coffee mug. “Children?”

“Twin girls, ma’am. They’re three years old.”

Three years old. Three years of lies, of business trips and late meetings. Three years of another family living parallel to mine, just out of sight. The jerk had been living a whole other life while I’d been suffering through infertility treatments and the heartache of two miscarriages.

“Ma’am? Are you still there?”

“Yes,” I whispered, though I wasn’t sure I was. Not really. “What… what happens to them now?”

“Their mother had no living relatives. They’re currently in emergency foster care until—”

I hung up. I couldn’t bear to hear more.

The funeral was a blur of black clothes and pitying looks. I stood there like a statue, accepting condolences from people who didn’t know whether to treat me like a grieving widow or a scorned woman.

But then I saw those two tiny figures in matching black dresses, holding hands so tightly their knuckles were white. My husband’s secret daughters.

One had her thumb in her mouth. The other was picking at the hem of her dress. They looked so lost and alone. Despite the hurt of Andrew’s betrayal, my heart went out to them.

“Those poor things,” my mother whispered beside me. “Their foster family couldn’t make it today. Can you imagine? No one here for them except the social worker.”

I watched as one twin stumbled, and her sister caught her automatically like they were two parts of the same person. Something in my chest cracked open.

“I’ll take them,” I heard myself say.

Mom turned to me, shocked.

“Ruth, honey, you can’t be serious. After what he did?”

“Look at them, Mom. They’re innocent in all this and they’re alone.”

“But—”

“I couldn’t have my own children. Maybe… maybe this is why.”

The adoption process was a nightmare of paperwork and questioning looks.

Why would I want my cheating husband’s secret children? Was I mentally stable enough? Was this some form of revenge?

But I kept fighting, and eventually, Carrie and Dana became mine.

Those first years were a dance of healing and hurting. The girls were sweet but wary as if waiting for me to change my mind. I’d catch them whispering to each other late at night, making plans for “when she sends us away.”

It broke my heart every time.

“We’re having mac and cheese again?” seven-year-old Dana asked one night, her nose wrinkled.

“It’s what we can afford this week, sweetie,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. “But look — I put extra cheese on yours, just how you like it.”

Carrie, always the more sensitive one, must have heard something in my voice. She elbowed her sister.

“Mac and cheese is my favorite,” she announced, though I knew it wasn’t.

By the time they turned ten, I knew I had to tell them the truth. The whole truth.

I’d practiced the words a hundred times in front of my bathroom mirror, but sitting there on my bed, watching their innocent faces, I felt like I might throw up.

“Girls,” I started, my hands trembling. “There’s something about your father and how you came to be my daughters that you need to know.”

They sat cross-legged on my faded quilt, mirror images of attention.

I told them everything about Andrew’s double life, their birth mother, and that terrible morning I got the call. I told them how my heart broke when I saw them at the funeral and how I knew then that we were meant to be together.

The silence that followed felt endless. Dana’s face had gone pale, her freckles standing out like dots of paint. Carrie’s lower lip trembled.

“So… so Dad was a liar?” Dana’s voice cracked. “He was cheating on you?”

“And our real mom…” Carrie wrapped her arms around herself. “She died because of him?”

“It was an accident, sweetheart. A terrible accident.”

“But you…” Dana’s eyes narrowed, something hard and horrible creeping into her young face. “You just took us? Like… like some kind of consolation prize?”

“No! I took you because—”

“Because you felt sorry for us?” Carrie interrupted, tears streaming now. “Because you couldn’t have your own kids?”

“I took you because I loved you the moment I saw you,” I reached for them, but they both flinched back. “You weren’t a consolation prize. You were a gift.”

“Liar!” Dana spat, jumping off the bed. “Everyone’s a liar! Come on, Carrie!”

They ran to their room and slammed the door. I heard the lock click, followed by muffled sobs and furious whispers.

The next few years were a minefield. Sometimes we’d have good days when we went on shopping trips or cuddled together on the sofa for movie nights. But whenever they got angry, the knives came out.

“At least our real mom wanted us from the start!”

“Maybe she’d still be alive if it wasn’t for you!”

Each barb found its mark with surgical precision. But they were entering their teens, so I weathered their storms, hoping they’d understand someday.

Then came that awful day shortly after the girls turned sixteen.

I came home from work and my key wouldn’t turn in the lock. Then I spotted the note taped to the door.

“We’re adults now. We need our own space. Go and live with your mom!” it read.

My suitcase sat by the door like a coffin for all my hopes. Inside, I could hear movement, but no one answered my calls or pounding. I stood there for an hour before climbing back into my car.

At Mom’s house, I paced like a caged animal.

“They’re acting out,” she said, watching me wear a path in her carpet. “Testing your love.”

“What if it’s more than that?” I stared at my silent phone. “What if they’ve finally decided I’m not worth it? That I’m just the woman who took them in out of pity?”

“Ruth, you stop that right now.” Mom grabbed my shoulders.

“You’ve been their mother in every way that matters for thirteen years. They’re hurting, yes. They’re angry about things neither of you can change. But they love you.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because they’re acting exactly like you did at sixteen.” She smiled sadly. “Remember when you ran away to Aunt Sarah’s?”

I did. I’d been so angry about… what was it? Something trivial. I’d lasted three days before homesickness drove me back.

Five more days crawled by.

I called in sick to work. I barely ate. Every time my phone buzzed, I lunged for it, only to be disappointed by another spam call or a text from a concerned friend.

Then, finally, on the seventh day, I got the call I’d longed for.

“Mom?” Carrie’s voice was small and soft, like when she used to crawl into my bed during thunderstorms. “Can you come home? Please?”

I drove back with my heart in my throat.

The last thing I expected when I rushed through the front door was to find my house transformed. Fresh paint coated the walls, and the floors gleamed.

“Surprise!” The girls appeared from the kitchen, grinning like they used to when they were little.

“We’ve been planning this for months,” Dana explained, bouncing on her toes. “Working at the mall, babysitting, saving everything.”

“Sorry for the mean note,” Carrie added sheepishly. “It was the only way we could think of to keep it a surprise.”

They led me to what used to be their nursery, now transformed into a beautiful home office. The walls were soft lavender, and there, by the window, hung a photo of the three of us on adoption day, all teary-eyed and smiling.

“You gave us a family, Mom,” Carrie whispered, her eyes wet. “Even though you didn’t have to, even though we were a reminder of everything that hurt. You chose us anyway, and you’ve been the best mom ever.”

I pulled my girls close, breathing in the familiar smell of their shampoo, feeling their hearts beat against mine.

“You two are the best things that have ever happened to me. You gave me a reason to keep going. I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

“But we do know, Mom,” Dana said, her voice muffled against my shoulder. “We’ve always known.”

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