Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
Childless Woman Returns from a Business Trip a Day Early and Finds a Baby in Her House – Story of the Day
When Alicia returned home from a business trip, she discovered a baby next to her husband on their bed. His explanation made no sense, but she was tired. However, the shocking truth made sense a few hours later when she woke up.
After an extended business trip to New York, Alicia was finally home in Miami and was looking forward to resting on her bed with her husband, Luke. She carefully walked around the house, taking off her jacket and trying not to make a sound. It was late at night, and Luke had no idea she was back.
She was supposed to return in three days, but Alicia managed to finish her work early and decided to catch a flight back as soon as possible. Unfortunately, that meant reaching Miami after midnight and getting home way too late. But that was fine. Luke would be surprised when he woke up next to his wife in the morning.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
They talked all the time while she was gone, but a month was way too much time for a business trip. Never again, Alicia thought when she finally reached their bedroom.
Luckily, she didn’t have to turn on the lights because the moon reflected enough light to see around. She saw her husband’s figure on the bed and heard his light snoring but moved quickly around the room, changing into her PJs.
But she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw a tiny bundle on her side of the bed. There was a pillow at the edge so the baby wouldn’t roll and fall to the other side. But Alicia and Luke didn’t have kids. What’s going on here? Where did he get that baby?
Luke didn’t have any family as he grew up in an orphanage, so the child couldn’t be a niece or nephew. So what was happening here? she wondered in shock.
She went to the other side of the bed and shook her husband. “Luke! Luke! Wake up!” she tried to keep a whispering tone, but she was way too startled for anything. Fortunately, the baby didn’t hear, but her husband felt her hand on his arm.
“What? Who…. Alicia? What are you doing here?” he said groggily, his hand raising to his face and wiping sleep from his eyes.
“Meet me in the kitchen right now!” she stage-whispered and walked away.
Luke followed slowly and looked at his wife sleepily. “You’re here early.”
“Yes, whatever. Who is that baby, Luke? What’s going on here?” she questioned angrily.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“I’m not sure, Alicia. Someone left him on our doorstep a few days ago, and I’ve been taking care of him,” Luke said and yawned heavily.
“What? That doesn’t make sense! Let’s call the police!”
“Yes, we have to do that, but I keep forgetting while taking care of him. Listen, I’m way too tired to have this conversation. And you’re probably tired from traveling too. Let’s go to bed and figure out what to do in the morning, okay?”
“No, we have to figure it out right now!” Alicia exclaimed in exasperation.
“Shush, please. It’s too late. You’ll wake the baby. Please, let’s go to sleep,” Luke insisted and walked back to the bedroom, not waiting for Alicia’s response.
“Fine,” she whispered and followed. She laid down on the other side of the baby, and it was okay because their bed was huge. Shockingly, Alicia fell asleep quickly and didn’t dream that night.
Seven a.m. that day…
Alicia woke up to a couple of muffled voices coming from the living room. She turned on the bed and saw that Luke and the baby were gone, so she rushed up and sauntered out of the room, trying not to alert anyone.
“Luke, when are you going to tell her? This can’t go on like this!” a woman’s voice said in annoyance.
“Please, keep it down. I don’t know how to tell her, okay?” Luke said in a lower tone, hoping that Alicia wouldn’t wake.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
But she was wide awake now. Who is that? Is this about the baby? Is she his secret baby mama? Alicia worried and wondered if she should show herself and confront them.
“Please, let’s give it some time. I’ll tell her when the DNA results come out,” Luke pleaded, and Alicia’s jaw dropped.
DNA test? He got someone pregnant, and now they were testing to see the parentage? I can’t let this go on, she decided. Alicia stepped directly into the living room and saw Luke talking to a woman who was just outside the front door.
“What’s going on here? I want the truth right now, Luke. I heard everything. What DNA test? Is that your baby mama?” she demanded, crossing her arms on her chest. Luke and the woman turned around with wide eyes.
But shockingly, the stranger smiled. “Baby mama?” she said and laughed.
“There’s nothing funny about this. Luke, did you cheat on me with this woman?!” Alicia almost shouted.
“No! No! I swear! I would never do that. Please, listen to me,” Luke begged, walking towards her with his hand in front.
“You have ten seconds!” Alicia seethed, her arms still crossed in anger.
“This is my sister, Linda.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
Alicia’s arms dropped. “What?”
“Linda and I met two weeks ago by chance. Look, baby. She looks just like me. We met at the supermarket and were shocked by our resemblance to one another. We started talking and realized we were both orphans. Now we’re waiting for the results of a DNA test to confirm it. But we’re pretty sure because our childhood experiences were similar. I believe I remember playing with her at the orphanage, but it’s a blurry memory,” Luke explained the shocking story.
“That’s crazy,” Alicia whispered, looking at the woman. But Luke was right. The woman looked awfully like him. If identical twins of different genders were possible, they would be the perfect example.
Luke continued. “We’ve gotten pretty close since then, and she had an emergency last night. She asked me to watch her baby, Tony. I was too tired to explain earlier, but there it is.”
Alicia calmed down and invited Linda inside to hear the woman’s side of the story. It was pretty remarkable. Luke also begged forgiveness for not telling her sooner, but he didn’t want to ruin her important business trip with this complicated news.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“Anyway, the results are supposed to come out in a few days, and then, we’ll see. You can see them along with my husband and corroborate that we’re not lying. But I really hope it’s true because not having any extended family is the worst,” Linda commented after they talked for a while.
Alicia was glad to hear that Linda had a husband. It made the story much more plausible, and she forgave Luke for the lie pretty quickly because Tony was super cute.
A few days later, the results confirmed they were siblings, and they decided to spend more time together. Alicia was glad that Luke had a nephew to dote on, and she always thought that family mattered more than anything in the world.
What can we learn from this story?
- Don’t lie to your spouse. Things could’ve gone south for Luke if Alicia didn’t patiently wait for an explanation. So it’s best not to lie to your partner.
- Family is the most crucial part of life. Cherish your family members because tons of people wish they had them.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a girl who asked her parents to adopt a kid she found on the bus.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life. If you would like to share your story
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