While celebrating a new life and transitioning into a new role, a mother found herself struggling to get a moment alone after she welcomed her daughter. A time that was meant to be exciting for her and her husband led to them having a big fight over their parenting roles.
In the whirlwind of joy and exhaustion in the early days of parenthood, a mother found herself longing for a mere moment of quietness and alone time. She took to Reddit to share her frustrations. She started off by explaining that she had only had her child for two weeks. Her daughter was strictly breastfeeding, but in addition to cluster feeding, she realized her daughter found comfort in being close to her.
A mother holding her new born | Source: Shutterstock
This meant that her new role allowed her little to no time alone. “I’ve showered once by myself since having her, and it only lasted long enough for me to soap up before she was crying and my husband was bringing her into the bathroom with me. I think I literally had all of 2-3 minutes,” she wrote.
On the contrary, she noticed her husband’s life had not changed. He still got to have long and uninterrupted showers every day but never understood why his showers frustrated his wife.
Each time she was in the shower, and the baby would cry, her husband would bring their newborn to her to calm her down. It made her angry that he did not even try to calm the baby down on his own, but his excuse was that the child loved showers, and seeing her cry hurt him deeply.
A mother with her baby | Source: Shutterstock
As sweet as his fears sounded, the Redditor still needed to find a way to get a full self-care routine without a baby being handed over to her. So, she decided to call in help. She asked her mother to watch her daughter as she showered. Her husband was not there when she reached out to her child’s grandmother, but when he arrived, he asked what his mother-in-law was doing at their house.
Surprisingly, he was angry at his wife’s decision to call her mother just to take a shower. “I could have watched her. Why would you do that?” he asked, to which the Redditor responded, “Every time you watch her while I shower, she ends up in here with me within 2 minutes of me being in here because you don’t even try to calm her down.”
A mother with her baby | Source: Shutterstock
Therefore, after five days of trying to shave her legs, she could not wait to enjoy the warm water hitting her body and relaxing her muscles. “I need to self-care,” the Redditor emphasized.
The original poster’s honest account of her experience as a new mother erupted in a chorus of voices from commenters sharing their own experiences and offering support. One commenter challenged the husband’s logic and suggested, “If, according to hubby, showers calm her down, why isn’t he taking her on his 30-60 minute showers?”
A mother looking stressed with her child | Source: Shutterstock
Another suggestion was for the OP to lock the door as a temporary solution and to teach her husband a lesson on respecting someone’s privacy. Another Reddit user said the husband made himself look bad in front of his mother-in-law, but it was time he realized that he could also parent his daughter without always running to his wife.
The discussion took a deeper dive into the dynamics of communication and support within the relationship. Commenters pointed out the absurdity that the husband had been more concerned about his wife calling her mother rather than making sure that his wife’s well-being was attended to. “You found a way around it. And now, even knowing how hard it’s been for you, he’s still not actually concerned about you; he’s just worried about how it looks to your mum,” remarked a commenter.
A man sitting next to a crib looking stressed | Source: Shutterstock
One mother said her husband once interrupted her hair appointment but she had a serious conversation with him and made him look back at the number of haircuts he had had since their baby arrived. She told him never to interrupt her alone time unless it was an emergency, so the commenter advised the OP to have the same stern conversation with her husband.
A couple fighting | Source: Shutterstock
Another commenter shared a personal story of how her husband had slacked at the beginning of their parenting journey and how she eventually found a way to work as a team. The mother said her baby was a bit fussy on the first night home and she would always take the lead and calm her down.
But after three days, she put on earplugs and requested her husband only wake her up when the baby needed a feed and let her partner take care of the baby during the night, which led to a more equitable parenting dynamic.
The commenter added that allocating responsibilities helped them both understand the difficulty and joy of caring for a newborn, but it also allowed them to foster empathy and understanding. “That night, my partner became an equal parent,” the commenter added.
Here is a story about a newborn who cried nonstop no matter what the parents did. But they eventually realized the answer to their child’s misery was in the crib.
I swear I check for these!
We’ve all been there — walking into someone’s home that looks picture-perfect. Pillows fluffed, floors swept, everything seemingly in its place. But let’s be honest: not all that glitters is gold, and not every tidy home is truly clean. So, how can you tell if a home has been deep-cleaned or just given a quick facelift for show?
Let’s dig into the subtle signs that separate a genuinely clean home from one that’s simply been tidied up.
Understanding the Difference Between Clean and Tidy
At first glance, “clean” and “tidy” might sound like the same thing. But trust me, they’re not. A tidy home is organized — shoes are lined up, the couch pillows are arranged just so, and surfaces are mostly clutter-free. But a clean home? That’s a whole different story.
Clean means the grime is gone. It’s about eliminating dust, bacteria, mold, and invisible buildup — not just hiding the mess. So while tidiness is all about appearances, cleanliness goes way deeper. Think of tidying as dressing up a mannequin and cleaning as giving it a full spa day.
The Role of Scent in Perceived Cleanliness
Ever walk into a home that smells like lavender or fresh linen? Instantly, you think, “Wow, so clean!” But here’s the thing — scent can be deceiving.
Many artificial air fresheners or scented candles can mask deeper odors. A truly clean home doesn’t need heavy perfumes to smell fresh. It simply smells… neutral. Clean. If something smells overwhelmingly citrusy or floral, it might just be covering up less-than-pleasant underlying smells like pet dander, mildew, or trash.
So if your nose picks up a mix of vanilla and mystery funk? That could be a red flag.
Video : Why Smell is More Important Than You Think
Surface-Level Cleaning: Looks Can Be Deceiving
Surface-level cleaning is what happens when guests are on their way over and there’s no time for a deep clean. The counters get wiped, the visible mess gets shoved into closets, and suddenly the place looks great — until you look a little closer.
Want to know the difference? Check:
- The tops of picture frames
- Behind the TV
- Baseboards and vents
- Underneath furniture
If you see dust bunnies or greasy smudges, the space may have just gotten a quick “once-over” rather than a proper scrub-down.
Cluttered Corners and Hidden Messes: The Truth Lies Beneath
Let’s face it — most people clean where others can see. But clutter has a way of building up in hidden places. Peek behind doors, inside that “junk drawer,” or under the bed. That’s where the truth hides.
A clean home doesn’t just look good in the living room. It feels fresh and organized in the places no one expects you to look. That forgotten corner of the laundry room or that guest bedroom-turned-storage zone? They’re the real test.
Bathroom Cleanliness: Where the Truth Comes Out
Want to know how clean a home really is? Check the bathroom. It’s the ultimate honesty zone.
A tidy bathroom might have fresh towels and neatly arranged toiletries. But a clean bathroom has:
- No mold in the grout
- A spotless toilet bowl (yes, even under the rim)
- Sparkling faucets
- No lingering smells or water stains
Don’t be shy — glance at the corners of the tub, behind the toilet, or inside the medicine cabinet. If it passes the test there, it probably passes everywhere.
Kitchen Clues: Where Dirt Lurks in Plain Sight
Kitchens are the heart of the home — and a hotspot for hidden messes. Sure, the counters may shine, but the real story is in the details:
- Is there grease on the stove knobs?
- Are the cabinet handles sticky?
- What’s hiding behind the toaster?
Also, peek inside the microwave or under the sink. A clean kitchen won’t have crumbs, smudges, or food stains hanging around. It might even smell faintly like lemon or soap — but never like last week’s leftovers.
The Silent Giveaway: Dust on Surfaces
Here’s a simple trick: swipe your finger across any non-obvious surface — a bookshelf, the top of a mirror, a ceiling fan blade. Dust is a dead giveaway that someone cleaned for show, not for real.
Dust collects fast, so regular cleaning is key to staying ahead. A truly clean home has been dusted top to bottom — not just wherever the sunlight hits.
Pet Hair and Odors: What the Nose and Eyes Reveal
Love pets? Same here. But even the most adorable pets leave behind evidence. Pet hair on couches, scratching posts shedding fibers, or lingering pet smells tell you that deep cleaning isn’t happening as often as it should.
Of course, a home with pets can still be squeaky clean — but it takes effort. Air purifiers, lint rollers, and regular vacuuming go a long way. If it smells like dog but you don’t see one? That’s your clue.
Floors: The Illusion of Vacuum Lines
We’ve all seen it — those fresh vacuum lines on the carpet. Looks super clean, right? Not always.
Lift up the corner of a rug or check along the baseboards. Is there dirt tucked in the edges? Any sticky spots in the kitchen? Floors should be consistently clean — not just where it’s obvious.
In homes with tile or hardwood, look at the grout and under furniture. If the mop didn’t reach there, the cleaning job isn’t complete.
Video : The power of the sense of smell
Windows and Mirrors: Reflecting the Real Clean
Windows and mirrors are like tattletales — they reveal everything. If you see fingerprints, streaks, or a thin film of dust, it’s a sign the home got a tidy-up, not a true scrub.
Clean windows let in more light and make the whole room feel fresher. Bonus: mirrors sparkle when they’re really clean, adding an extra touch of clarity to the space.
Conclusion: Real Clean Goes Beyond Appearances
A clean home isn’t just about what you see — it’s about what you feel. It’s the crisp scent of fresh air, the gleam of a well-polished surface, and the peace of knowing that even the hidden spots have been cared for.
Tidy might impress on the surface, but real cleanliness goes deeper. It’s a mindset, a habit, and a commitment. So next time you walk into someone’s home (or your own), take a closer look. What you find might surprise you — in the best or worst way.
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