When Rebecca’s mother-in-law, Darlene, goes home to take away her grandchildren’s Christmas presents, she’s left absolutely speechless. Later, she and her husband, Mark, learn that Darlene did this because she wanted to teach the couple a lesson… but karma intervenes, making sure that the old woman feels the same way the kids felt.
I never thought that this would be a story I’d tell. I mean, toxic in-laws are practically their own genre, but what my mother-in-law, Darlene, did this Christmas left me completely speechless.
Honestly, I’m still in shock.
A woman looking to the side | Source: Midjourney
I’m Rebecca, a mom of three chaotic kids. There’s Caleb (7), Sadie (5), and little Mason (3). Christmas is a huge deal in our house and has been like this since I was a child. We go all out.
The tree, the decorations, and of course, the gifts. Usually, Darlene shows up with her arms full of presents for the kids, playing the part of the doting grandma for one day a year.
This time, though, Darlene really outdid herself. Caleb got the new LEGO set that he had been begging for, and Sadie’s eyes lit up over a princess castle playset. Mason, the little speed demon of the family, zoomed through the living room on an adorable ride-on toy.
A castle made out of LEGO blocks | Source: Midjourney
She even threw in stylish clothes for all three kids.
“They need to be photo-ready, Becca,” she told me. “And this way, they all match!”
It was… impressive. I’ll admit it freely.
The kids were ecstatic. They loved being the center of attention, and they played nonstop, showing off their gifts and parading around in their new clothes.
Three little kids | Source: Midjourney
I thought that maybe this was the year. This was the year that Darlene and I would finally hit a smooth patch in our relationship.
Spoiler alert: I was so wrong.
Two days after Christmas, the house was still glowing with holiday cheer. It wasn’t anything new—we usually kept the decorations up until a few days before New Year’s Eve. My kids were in their element, surrounded by the toys they loved.
I even sent Darlene a text, thanking her for the thoughtful presents.
A woman texting | Source: Midjourney
Hi, Darlene! Thank you for spoiling the babies so much this Christmas. You’re appreciated!
Then, the doorbell rang.
“Mom, will you get it?” Caleb asked, dangling a bunch of grapes above Mason’s head.
“On it,” I said. “Just watch that your brother doesn’t choke on a grape, okay?”
I opened the door to find Darlene standing there, gripping three large empty bags. Her face was bright red, and she looked ready to explode.
A little boy holding a bunch of grapes | Source: Midjourney
“Darlene, hi!” I said. “What’s going on?”
She didn’t say a word. She just marched right past me into the living room, where the kids were now playing with Sadie’s castle.
I stood frozen as she immediately began to scoop Caleb’s LEGO blocks into one of the bags. The ride-on toy was kicked to the side. And then Sadie’s castle went next.
An upset older woman | Source: Midjourney
“Where are the clothes I bought you?” she barked at Caleb.
“In the washing, Grandma,” he said.
“Bring it, now,” she shouted.
I was too shocked to retaliate.
Caleb ran to the bathroom and back with the clothes in his arms.
A washing basket | Source: Midjourney
“Grandma, what are you doing?” Caleb asked, his voice trembling.
Sadie’s lip quivered as she clutched her princess doll.
“Mommy, why is Grandma taking our things?” she asked.
I didn’t have an answer. I just stood there, my mind spinning, trying to process what I was witnessing.
An upset little girl | Source: Midjourney
But it was when Darlene picked up the ride-on toy, preventing Mason from getting onto it, that really set me off.
“Darlene, what the hell are you doing?” I demanded, finding my voice at last.
She didn’t even glance my way.
“You’ll regret what you did,” she muttered coldly, zipping the bags shut with finality.
An angry older woman | Source: Midjourney
And then, without another word, she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
The kids were devastated. Caleb cried for hours, asking why Grandma was mad. Sadie sat on the floor, clutching a stuffed animal like her world had just ended. And poor Mason kept wandering around the house, looking for his toy.
“Where did the car go, Mommy?” he asked.
An upset little boy | Source: Midjourney
I tried to comfort my children, but honestly, I didn’t know what to say. What had we done to deserve this? Why would Darlene take back the gifts she’d so generously given just a few days earlier?
When my husband, Mark, got home from work, I told him everything.
“She did what?” Mark’s face went beet red as he pulled out his phone. “Oh, hell no. This is unacceptable.”
He called her immediately. There was no answer. He texted his mother. No replies.
A frowning woman | Source: Midjourney
“I don’t understand, Bec,” he said. “How could she be so cold to take their toys away? And their clothes, for God’s sake. I’m so confused.”
“Tell me about it,” I said. “I didn’t know how to react when she stormed around doing whatever she wanted. It was insanity. You should have seen their faces, Mark.”
Darlene had gone completely radio silent, leaving us in the dark about what had triggered this insane stunt.
A man holding his head | Source: Midjourney
Three days later, Mark finally got her on the phone.
I could tell from his side of the conversation that whatever she was saying was absurd. He kept rubbing his temples and muttering under his breath.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he sighed.
When he hung up, he looked at me with disbelief.
A man holding his head | Source: Midjourney
“You’ll never believe it,” he said.
“What? Believe what?” I asked.
“She’s mad about her Christmas gift,” he said.
“What?” I repeated.
A frowning woman | Source: Midjourney
“Apparently, she was expecting that expensive designer handbag she’s been hinting about all year. Instead, we got her a $250 gift card to her favorite store. It was unacceptable, according to her.”
I stared at my husband, completely lost for words.
“So, she took away the kids’ gifts because of that? What on earth is wrong with her?”
A store gift card | Source: Midjourney
Mark nodded slowly, still processing the absurdity himself.
“Yeah, she said that we disrespected her with the gift card and gave us a few days to make it right. Since we didn’t, she took the kids’ presents to teach us a lesson.”
I was floored.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Mark,” I said.
A woman holding her head | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” he sighed again. “She took the kids’ Christmas gifts away over a damn handbag.”
We were furious, but we weren’t about to let Darlene’s tantrum ruin Christmas for our kids. That weekend, we dipped into our savings and bought replacements for the toys she took.
It wasn’t easy on our budget, but seeing the kids’ faces light up again made every penny worth it.
But Darlene?
Three smiling children | Source: Midjourney
Karma had other plans for the old woman.
A few days later, Mark’s cousin, Abby, called with some unexpected news.
I was in the kitchen, grilling chicken and vegetables for dinner, while Mark was going through Caleb’s holiday homework.
“Did you hear what your mom did?” she asked, practically choking with laughter.
A platter of grilled chicken and vegetables | Source: Midjourney
“Oh yeah,” Mark muttered. “We know all about her behavior. Why’s it funny to you?”
“Well, apparently, she’s been bragging to the family about how she taught you guys a lesson. But one of her friends, the one who’s super involved with that charity, found out.”
“Charity? Abby, what are you talking about?” Mark asked.
“Uh-oh,” I said, uncertain of where the conversation was going.
A woman talking on the phone and laughing | Source: Midjourney
“Yeah, so her friend was horrified at what Darlene did. The things that she took from the kids? She donated them to a charity. Dirty clothes and all! Word has spread fast, and now people are distancing themselves from her. Big time.”
Mark raised an eyebrow and looked at me.
“So, what? People are icing her out?”
Donation boxes at a charity shelter | Source: Midjourney
“They are, but that’s not the best part!” Abby said.
“Then what is the best part?” I asked.
“Oh, Becs,” she laughed. “Lovely Aunt Darlene has been uninvited from the New Year’s Eve gala. You know, the one she brags about all year? Her favorite event of the year? Yep. All gone!”
A man talking on a phone | Source: Midjourney
Mark and I exchanged glances. Darlene loved that gala more than anything. It was the ultimate social slap in the face. And she would have probably been planning her outfit since October.
Abby cut the call, still laughing to herself.
“She’s going to be so upset,” I said, slicing a lemon.
Lemons on a board | Source: Midjourney
“Serves her right,” my husband said. “She deserves this. She’s full of nonsense. And she donated the kids’ clothes just like that? She didn’t even wash it! What the hell, Becca?!”
“Let’s just have dinner with the kids and leave Darlene for the night,” I said.
A week later, Darlene called Mark, desperate for sympathy.
“They’ve all turned against me,” she sobbed. “I don’t understand what I did wrong!”
An upset older woman | Source: Midjourney
Mark didn’t miss a beat.
“Mom, you took all your grandkids’ Christmas presents because you didn’t get a handbag. Now you’re paying the price for being petty.”
She tried to apologize, but Mark wasn’t having it.
“If you want a relationship with my wife and children, you have a lot to make up for. And my kids are incredible. It’s your loss, Ma.”
Three smiling children | Source: Midjourney
In the end, we spoke to our children, explaining to them that their grandmother was angry with us, not them.
“She just wanted to teach Mom and me a lesson,” Mark said. “You guys did nothing wrong.”
“Are you sure?” Sadie asked, her lower lip jutting out.
A smiling man standing in a living room | Source: Midjourney
“Yes, I promise!” I said. “And this isn’t how we teach lessons. Dad and I will never take away something you love just to punish another person.”
“If we’re naughty, we get a timeout until we learn our lesson, right?” Caleb chimed in.
“Exactly, buddy,” Mark said. “Now, come on, let’s all get some ice cream cones.”
Ice cream cones | Source: Midjourney
That’s how one handbag led to a family falling out, a Christmas nearly ruined, and a grandmother learning the hard way that karma never misses.
And honestly? We’re in no rush to forgive.
Trust me, Darlene’s next holiday season won’t be quite as merry and bright.
A smiling woman | Source: Midjourney
What would you have done?
If you’ve enjoyed this story, here’s another one for you |
My Son Stays Quiet as His Wife Insults Me — But He Soon Teaches Her a Lesson in Front of Guests
Kate cannot wait to spend the holidays with her son and his wife. It’s her first Christmas with the family, and Kate needs to see how she fits. But when Liz criticizes her cooking, and John chooses silence over defending his mother, will the holidays be ruined?
Cooking was always my way of showing love. From the moment I got married, I became the “one who feeds everyone.” Every family dinner, every major holiday, especially Christmas, revolved around me in the kitchen, making meals from scratch.
It wasn’t just about the food. It was about creating something special that brought us together.
A smiling older woman | Source: Midjourney
But when Oliver, my husband, passed away a few years ago, the joy of cooking died with him.
Now, I only cook for myself, enough to get by. But Christmas is different. Christmas is when my son, John, comes home. He’s the reason I still dust off my old recipes, roll up my sleeves, and get to work in the kitchen.
His love for my Christmas dinners has always been special to me. A kind of pride, I guess. This year, though, something was different.
A smiling older man | Source: Midjourney
And not in a good way.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
23 Backhanded “Compliments” That Are Actually Insults
Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
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