According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
The Taste of Love: A Father’s Tribute
The kitchen, once a haven of warmth and laughter, now echoed with the clatter of pots and pans. John, a man more accustomed to spreadsheets than soufflés, stood amidst the chaos, his brow furrowed in concentration. Pancake batter, a lumpy, greenish-grey concoction, clung stubbornly to the sides of the bowl. His wife, Sarah, would have laughed, her eyes twinkling.
He missed her laughter. He missed her easy grace in the kitchen, the way she hummed along to the radio while whipping up culinary magic. He missed the way she’d kiss his cheek and say, “Don’t worry, darling, I’ve got this.” Now, he was adrift in a sea of burnt toast and forgotten recipes, his kitchen a battlefield rather than a haven.
His daughter, Lily, a bright-eyed girl of eight, watched him with a mixture of amusement and concern. “Dad,” she’d say, her voice gentle, “It’s okay if it’s not perfect.” But her words, meant to comfort, only served to deepen his sense of inadequacy. He longed to recreate the magic of Sarah’s cooking, to fill the void left by her absence with the comforting aroma of home-cooked meals.
One morning, determined to surprise Lily, John decided to try his hand at heart-shaped pancakes. He watched countless online tutorials, meticulously measuring ingredients, and even invested in a heart-shaped pan. The batter, this time, was a pale golden color, smooth and even. He poured it carefully into the pan, his heart pounding with a mixture of hope and trepidation.
Lily, ever the curious observer, watched him with wide eyes. “What are you making, Daddy?” she asked, her voice filled with excitement.
“Something special,” he replied, his voice a little hoarse.
As the pancakes cooked, a wave of memories washed over him. He remembered Sarah’s laughter, her playful banter with Lily, the warmth that radiated from their kitchen. He remembered the way Lily would eagerly devour Sarah’s pancakes, her face smeared with syrup.
Finally, he flipped the pancakes, his breath catching in his throat. They were golden brown and perfectly heart-shaped. He carefully transferred them to plates, adding a generous dollop of butter and a drizzle of maple syrup.
Lily’s eyes widened as she saw the pancakes. “Wow, Daddy!” she exclaimed, her voice filled with awe. “They look just like Mommy used to make!”
John’s heart swelled. He watched as Lily took a bite, her eyes closing in delight. “It tastes like the ones Mom made!” she declared, her voice filled with happiness.
Tears welled up in John’s eyes. He knew it wasn’t perfect, that the edges were a little burnt and the syrup a bit messy. But in that moment, it didn’t matter. He had made Lily smile. He had brought a little bit of Sarah back into their lives, one delicious pancake at a time.
From that day on, John continued to cook, his kitchen slowly transforming from a battlefield into a sanctuary. He learned new recipes, experimented with flavors, and even found himself enjoying the process. He knew he would never fully replace Sarah, but he could learn to cook with love, with memory, and with the hope of creating new memories with his daughter. And that, he realized, was a gift in itself.
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