While serving at a wedding, I suddenly spotted the groom—it was my husband, David. Seeing him with another woman, pretending to be someone else, sent my world crashing down. In that moment, everything I thought I knew about my life was turned upside down.
Oh, weddings… They always had a way of stirring up old memories, bringing me back to that day when David and I said our vows. Our wedding wasn’t anything grand or over the top—far from it, actually.
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We were just two young people in love, not concerned about fancy decorations or a big reception. Even now, after seven years of marriage, those memories still brought a smile to my face.
Working as a waitress for a catering company meant that I was always around weddings. Every time I walked into a beautifully decorated hall, the smell of fresh flowers in the air, I couldn’t help but think back to our simple ceremony. If only I had known how fragile things could be…
That day, just like any other, we arrived early to set everything up before the guests and the newlyweds showed up.
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About an hour later, the guests started arriving, their excited chatter filling the hall as they waited for the bride and groom to return from their photo session. I was in the restroom when Stacy, my colleague, burst in, her face pale with worry.
“Lori, listen,” Stacy said, her voice shaky, “I think you should go home.”
“Go home? Why would I do that?” I asked. “Are you trying to get more shifts for yourself? Sorry, but I need the money just as much as you do.”
Stacy shook her head, looking more nervous than I’d ever seen her. “No, Lori, you don’t understand. I really think you shouldn’t be here.”
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“What are you talking about? Why are you acting so weird?” I said. “Stacy, seriously, what’s going on?”
She bit her lip, glancing toward the hall. “You’re not going to like what you see.”
I headed back to the hall, my mind racing with thoughts of what Stacy had said. My heart nearly stopped when I saw the bride and groom. Stacy was right—I shouldn’t have come.
There, standing in front of all the guests, was David… my David. The man I had shared my life with for seven years, now standing with another woman.
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My breath caught in my throat. I felt like the ground had been ripped out from under me. I couldn’t make sense of what I was seeing. I turned and ran outside, tears streaming down my face. It was like a nightmare, one I couldn’t wake up from.
Outside, I collapsed against the wall, gasping for air. My vision blurred with tears, but I forced myself to look at the sign with the bride and groom’s names: “Welcome to the wedding of Kira and Richard.” Richard? What a liar!
Stacy rushed outside. She tried to speak, to comfort me, but I couldn’t hear her. All I could think about was how he had betrayed me. I wiped my tears away, anger building inside me. I wasn’t going to let him get away with this. No way. I was going to ruin this wedding and expose him for the fraud he was.
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I returned to the hall just as the bride and groom were giving their first toast. My heart pounded in my chest, but I knew I had to do this.
I marched straight up to David and snatched the microphone right out of his hand. He looked at me, his face full of shock and anger, but I didn’t care. He deserved every bit of what was coming.
“I have an announcement!” I shouted into the microphone, my voice echoing through the hall. Every head turned toward me, the room falling into a stunned silence.
The bride, this poor woman, clung to David like he was her lifeline. She looked at me with wide, fearful eyes, clearly not understanding what was happening.
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“David, or as you all know him, Richard, has deceived you all!” I began, my voice trembling with rage. “He’s already married! To me!” The words hung in the air like a bomb that had just gone off. Gasps rippled through the crowd, and I could see the confusion and disbelief on their faces.
“What?” the bride stammered, her voice barely above a whisper. She turned to David, her eyes filling with tears. “Richard, what’s going on? Who is this woman?”
David shook his head, his face a mask of feigned confusion. “I… I don’t know,” he stammered. “I’ve never seen this woman in my life.”
“Seven years of marriage, and you were blind?!” I shouted, feeling my anger boil over.
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“What? What seven years of marriage?” he asked, still trying to play dumb.
“Stop pretending you don’t know me,” I said. “You’re only making it worse, David.”
“My name is Richard!” he shouted back, his voice desperate. “I have no idea who your David is. You’re crazy!”
“Oh, really?” I said, narrowing my eyes. “Then what’s this?” I pulled out my phone, the screen lit up with a picture of our wedding day. I held it up for everyone to see. The room fell into a deeper silence as people strained to get a look.
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The bride, Kira, stepped closer, her eyes locking onto the image. “Richard…?” she asked, her voice trembling. “How could you do this to me? How could you lie to me like this? And to her?” She pointed at me, her hand shaking as tears spilled down her cheeks.
“Kira,” Richard said, his voice softening as he reached for her. “I swear, I don’t know who this woman is or why she has a photo with me. I would never hurt you.”
But the bride shook her head, backing away from him. “I loved you, Richard… or David, or whoever you really are,” she said, her voice breaking. “How could you betray me like this? I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
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“I’m Richard,” he insisted, desperation creeping into his voice. “And I love you, Kira. I’m telling the truth!”
I couldn’t hold back a bitter laugh. “He’s probably only with you for your money,” I said, the words dripping with contempt.
“Shut up!” David yelled, his voice raw with anger and fear.
The bride shook her head, tears streaming down her face. “No, Richard, I can’t do this. I can’t be with someone who could lie like this, who could do something so awful.”
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She turned to me. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I really didn’t know.”
“It’s not your fault,” I replied, my voice softening. “He deceived us both.”
“Kira, please,” David begged, but it was too late. She was already turning, running toward the door, her wedding dress trailing behind her like a broken dream.
Without a second thought, David bolted after her. “Kira! Wait!” he shouted as he disappeared through the doors after her, leaving the stunned guests and me standing there in silence.
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I stormed outside, ready to tell David I was done and filing for divorce. But when I found him, he was sitting on the curb, tears streaming down his face.
“Of course, play the drama,” I said, crossing my arms.
He looked up, his face twisted with anger. “You! This is all your fault!” he shouted. “My wife ran away from me, and it’s because of you! Some crazy waitress!”
“I’m the crazy one?!” I yelled back. “You’re the one who married another woman while still being married to me!”
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“I’m not your husband! I’ve never seen you before in my life!”
“Oh, really?” I challenged, pulling out my phone. “Then let’s call David, who you claim you’re not, and see what happens.”
“Go ahead, call him!” he snapped.
I dialed David’s number, putting it on speaker, but the phone just kept ringing. “How strange that you’re not picking up,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
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Then, suddenly, the ringing stopped, and I heard his voice. “Yes, dear. Is everything okay?”
“What the…?” I stammered, staring at the man in front of me.
“I told you I’m not your husband!” he said, his voice calmer now, but still tense.
“Honey,” I said into the phone, trying to keep my voice steady, “I think you should come here; something strange is going on.”
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David arrived about half an hour later. For what felt like forever, he and Richard just stood there, staring at each other in complete silence. It was like looking into a mirror—they were identical in every way.
Finally, Richard broke the silence, turning to me with a wry smile. “Well, if I were in your shoes, I would’ve done the same,” he said.
David’s eyes shifted to me, filled with hurt and confusion. “How could you think I would do something like this to you?” he asked quietly.
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“He’s your exact double,” I blurted out, desperate to make him understand.
“Yes,” David replied, his voice soft. “But it still hurts that you thought that.”
“I’m sorry, honey. I was just so angry and hurt,” I said, reaching for his hand.
As it turned out, Richard and David were both adopted from the same orphanage when they were just babies. But they were taken in by different families. They had no idea the other existed. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My husband had a twin brother he never knew about.
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“But that doesn’t change the fact that my wife hates me,” Richard said, his voice filled with despair.
“We’ll fix that,” I replied.
“Yes, get in my car, and let’s go,” David added, already moving toward the car.
“She’ll never forgive me,” Richard muttered.
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“She will when she sees David,” I assured him.
We drove in silence to the hotel where Kira was likely staying. We went to her room, but she wouldn’t let us in. I could hear her crying through the door, and it broke my heart.
We didn’t give up. We stood outside under her window, shouting up at her, trying to get her attention. Finally, she looked out the window, her eyes red from crying.
“Kira!” I shouted, waving my arms to get her attention. “Your fiancé didn’t lie to you! And my husband didn’t cheat on me! Look!” I pointed to Richard and David, who stood side by side, identical in every way.
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Kira’s eyes widened in shock. “How is this possible?!” she shouted down at us.
“We were separated in the orphanage!” Richard shouted back.
For a moment, she just stared at us, then she closed the window, and our hearts sank.
“See? I told you she wouldn’t forgive me,” Richard said, his voice heavy with defeat. But just as the words left his mouth, the door burst open, and Kira ran out, tears streaming down her face. She threw her arms around Richard and kissed him, holding him tight.
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David pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry I doubted you,” I said softly, looking up at him.
David smiled, brushing a strand of hair from my face. “Oh, I think I would’ve done the same. Honestly, I’m flattered that after seven years of marriage, you’re still willing to fight for me.”
I laughed, nudging him playfully before leaning in to kiss him. So, my husband gained a brother, and I gained a friend I can’t imagine my life without.
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Tell us what you think about this story and share it with your friends. It might inspire them and brighten their day.
If you enjoyed this story, read this one: My son Scott, who had never dated anyone, suddenly showed up with a sweet girl and announced they were getting married next week. I was shocked, thrilled, and confused all at once. But as the truth unraveled, I realized our family was about to face a challenge I never saw coming.
This piece is inspired by stories from the everyday lives of our readers and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
23 Backhanded “Compliments” That Are Actually Insults
Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
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