A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
“Julia Roberts’ Twins Are All Grown Up — See the Stunning Pics of Her ‘Mini-Me’ Teens
Actress Julia Roberts thinks her twins, Phinnaeus and Hazel, who are now grown up, look a lot like their dad, Danny Moder.
The “Pretty Woman” star and her husband are known for keeping their family life out of the spotlight. However, every now and then, they share glimpses of their three children on social media. When Danny recently posted photos of the couple’s 19-year-old twins, fans couldn’t help but admire how much they resemble their father.
At age 37, Julia Roberts gave birth to twins Phinnaeus and Hazel, both arriving healthy around 3 a.m. on November 28, 2004, in a Los Angeles hospital. Her younger son, Henry, now 17, was born on June 18, 2007.
Julia has shared how motherhood came when she was ready, saying her kids “chose” her to guide them. Despite sometimes feeling nervous about parenting, she believes she was prepared when they entered her life.
Julia and Danny Moder keep their family private, but they’ve shared sweet glimpses on social media. Julia once joked that Henry used to think “the twins” meant all three siblings instead of just Phinnaeus and Hazel.
Julia has also kept her children out of the spotlight, choosing to protect them from fame’s pressures. Her kids knew she was famous but didn’t fully understand what it meant, though they sometimes saw tabloid headlines in stores, which made Julia feel uneasy. Hurtful rumors, especially those about her marriage, also affected her.
Because of these challenges, Julia and Danny decided to move their family out of Los Angeles to avoid the Hollywood scene. They initially stayed in L.A. for work, but later settled in San Francisco to give their kids a more private life.
To keep them safe from media pressures, Julia has banned her children from using social media. She also sets limits on what they watch on TV and holds family meetings to keep open communication and help them navigate today’s world.
Julia has worked hard to help her kids feel empowered. For example, when Hazel faced challenges, Julia brought her to her first Women’s March in Washington, hoping it would show her she has a voice and a place in the world.
Hazel is a unique individual, and when she joined her dad at the Cannes Film Festival in 2021, she even skipped makeup, preferring a simple look. She also shares her mom’s love for fashion, trying on Julia’s famous black and white Valentino gown from the 2001 Oscars. Although it didn’t fit, Julia remembered how beautiful Hazel looked in it.
Julia often reflects on motherhood, saying there’s no “mastering” it. She believes parents should seek help when needed, as parenting brings new challenges.
In 2022, Julia admitted she felt a mix of excitement and nervousness when her twins went off to college, as she never had that experience herself. Although Julia feels her kids resemble her, she sees them look more like Danny when he’s home, and fans agree.
On the twins’ 17th birthday in 2021, Danny posted a picture that had fans commenting on how much they look like their dad. A year later, on their 18th birthday, Julia shared a cute baby photo of them. These “babies” will be turning 20 in late 2024!
Julia and Danny, who’ve been married for 22 years, are happy together and have done their best to protect their kids from the pressures of fame. Based on their family’s social media moments, they seem to have created a joyful and close-knit family.
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