A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
Am I Wrong for Teaching My Daughter-in-Law a Lesson after She Made My Wife Pay for a Cleaning Service?
Am I Wrong for Teaching My Daughter-in-Law a Lesson after She Made My Wife Pay for a Cleaning Service?
After my daughter-in-law humiliated my wife by making her pay for a cleaning service after a week of babysitting, I knew I had to teach her a lesson about gratitude. When the opportunity arose, I devised a plan to show her exactly what my wife had endured, turning the tables in an unforgettable way.
Hi, I’m Jacob, and I have a story to share about my daughter-in-law (DIL). My wife and I have always been close to our son and his family. We love spending time with our grandkids and often help out when needed.
Elderly couple and their grandkids | Source: Pexels
Our relationship with our son and his family has always been strong. We see them often, share meals, and celebrate holidays together. We feel lucky to be involved in our grandkids’ lives, watching them grow and supporting them whenever we can.
As grandparents, we take pride in being there for our family. Whether it’s picking up the kids from school, babysitting on short notice, or just offering advice, we’re always ready to help. We know how hard it can be to juggle work and family, so we do what we can to lighten the load.
Happy grandparents | Source: Pexels
A few weeks ago, our son and DIL had to go on a business trip. They asked my wife to babysit for a week. She loves spending time with the grandkids, so she agreed without hesitation. She packed her bags and moved into their house for the week.
While she was there, she took care of everything. She cooked meals, helped with homework, and made sure the house was tidy. The kids had a great time with their grandma, and she even did extra chores to help out. When she returned home, I was eager to hear all about their week together.
Sad elderly woman | Source: Pexels
But something was clearly wrong. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked like she had been crying. I asked her what happened, but at first, she didn’t want to tell me.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” I asked gently. She shook her head, avoiding my eyes.
“It’s nothing,” she said, her voice trembling.
I wasn’t convinced. “Please, tell me. What happened?”
Concerned elderly man | Source: Pexels
After some coaxing, she finally opened up. “Right before our son and DIL returned, she called me. She said I had to pay for a professional cleaning service.”
I was stunned. “What? Why?”
“She claimed the house was a mess and it was unacceptable,” she said, her voice breaking. “But I took care of the kids, cleaned up after them, and even did some extra chores.”
“And that wasn’t enough for her?” I asked, feeling my anger rising.
Upset woman | Source: Pexels
“She said it wasn’t,” my wife replied, tears streaming down her face. “I felt humiliated, Jacob. I didn’t want to argue and risk damaging our relationship with them, so I paid the cleaning bill. I thought I was helping, but she made me feel like I failed.”
Hearing this made me furious. “You did them a huge favor, and this is how they repay you?” I said, my voice shaking with anger. “This is unacceptable. You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”
Elderly man in a sweater | Source: Pexels
She nodded, looking defeated. “I just didn’t want to cause any trouble.”
“I understand,” I said, trying to stay calm. “But this disrespect needs to be addressed. I need to teach our DIL a lesson about gratitude and respect.”
And so, I started planning how to make sure this would never happen again.
Elderly man with a tablet | Source: Pexels
I spent a few days thinking about it and came up with a plan. I decided to give my DIL a taste of her own medicine. I called my son and DIL and offered to babysit the kids for a weekend. They were thrilled and quickly accepted my offer. They needed the break and trusted me completely.
The plan was simple. I would document the state of the house when I arrived, take care of the kids for the weekend, clean the house thoroughly, and then present them with a bill for a professional cleaning service. This way, they would understand what my wife went through.
Messy bedroom | Source: Pexels
I arrived at my son and DIL’s house on Friday evening. As soon as I walked in, I took pictures of every room, documenting the cleanliness and order. The house was already in good shape, but I wanted to make sure I had proof of how it looked when I arrived.
I spent the weekend with my grandkids, having a wonderful time. We played games, read stories, and enjoyed each other’s company. I made sure to clean up after ourselves, keeping the house tidy throughout our time together.
Grandfather and his granddaughter | Source: Pexels
Before my son and DIL returned on Sunday evening, I went into action. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, making it look spotless. I vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed, and polished every surface. By the time I was done, the house was immaculate.
When my son and DIL walked in, they were pleased to see how clean and organized everything was. I took a deep breath and decided it was time.
Neat room | Source: Pexels
“Hey, can we talk for a minute?” I asked. My son and DIL exchanged curious looks but nodded. I showed them the pictures I had taken when I arrived.
“This is how the house looked when I got here on Friday,” I said, scrolling through the images on my phone. “And this is how it looks now.”
They both looked puzzled.
“Dad, what’s going on?” my son asked.
Couple arguing | Source: Pexels
I took out the bill I had prepared. “I’m handing you a bill for a professional cleaning service,” I said, handing it to my DIL. Her face turned red with confusion and anger.
“Why would we need to pay this?” she snapped.
I stayed calm. “This is what your mother had to go through after she babysat for you. She did you a favor, took care of your kids, and you humiliated her by making her pay for a cleaning service. I thought it was only fair that you experience the same thing.”
Couple argues | Source: Pexels
My son’s eyes widened, and he turned to his wife. “Is this true?” he asked her.
She stammered, “I… I thought the house wasn’t clean enough. I didn’t mean to upset her.”
My son sighed, clearly disappointed. “You should have appreciated what Mom did for us. She didn’t deserve that.”
Upset concerned old man | Source: Pexels
Turning back to me, he said, “Dad, I’m so sorry. We’ll reimburse Mom immediately. This will never happen again.”
My DIL looked down, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t realize how much I hurt her.”
I nodded, feeling some of the tension ease. “I hope this experience helps you understand the importance of gratitude and respect.”
Happy elderly couple | Source: Pexels
Since then, things have been a bit tense, but I think my DIL got the message. My wife and I continue to help out with the grandkids, but now there’s a newfound respect for the efforts we put in.
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