According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
15 Things Moms Do That Make Them Even More Incredible
Each pregnancy alters your body irrevocably. And we don’t mean the stretch marks or the scars. We mean the forever-changed DNA. Ask any new mother and she’ll list out a litany of things that are now different for her. Like a forgetful mommy brain that, according to science, makes the mother-child bond stronger.
We at Bright Side salute all moms and believe that they are real-life superheroes. To honor all mothers, we found some mommy facts proving there’s nothing like a mother’s love. Or the science behind it.
1. Motherhood changes you, and your DNA.
A chimera is a legendary beast made of different animals. And we are likening mothers to chimeras because every child that a mother carries leaves their DNA inside her. Basically, fetal cells enter a mother’s bloodstream and stay in her body forever. Researchers allege that these cells can affect the mother both positively and negatively. On one hand, it can speed up healing but on the flip side, it can increase the risk of cancer.
So when they say motherhood changes you, it does so at an elemental level as well. Jennifer Garner’s stunning countenance reflects just that.
2. The baby can taste what their mother eats.
Studies show that what a mother eats flavors the amniotic fluid. Something a baby gulps down several times a day. Basically, a baby can taste what their mother eats from within the womb.
A study showed that infants whose mothers ate carrots while pregnant seemed to enjoy cereal prepared with carrot juice more than others. So if you want to develop your baby’s palate for healthy, crunchy veggies, chow down on them while you are pregnant.
3. Kissing babies is more “healing” than we think.
Any new mom will tell you that the urge to kiss a newborn is intense. It’s innate and biological in nature. And science says that when mothers kiss their babies, it’s not just love, it’s medicine.
A mother’s body samples the pathogens found on the baby’s face, and more magic happens within her own body. Especially to her breastmilk, the main source of nutrition and immunity for the baby.
4. Pregnant women make enormous amounts of estrogen.
Pregnancy sends a woman’s body into overdrive. The uterus expands to 500 times its normal size and then shrinks back after birth. The blood volume increases and to tackle that, the heart expands a little too.
And it’s not just this, a woman makes more estrogen in a single pregnancy than she would in her whole lifetime if she never got pregnant. There’s a reason why women are exhausted when expecting and need sleep and rest for a healthy delivery and recovery.
5. A mother’s smile is near magical.
Moms are near magic, and so is their smile or affection. While you need your mother at all ages, it’s the helpless infant who is most dependent on their mom.
Studies show that when mothers smile, coo, and show affection to their babies, their heartbeats synchronize into the same beat. So if a baby is distressed, it calms them down. This is the reason why newborns need mothers the most when they are fussy and refuse to be calmed down by other family members.
6. Carrying boys can make you more nauseous.
There’s a reason why little boys are made of “snips and snails and puppy dog tails” or so goes the nursery rhyme. This is because mothers who carry boys are more likely to be nauseous in the first and second trimesters, a study shows.
This is not to say that women expecting girls cannot have morning sickness or that all women who carry boys have more nausea. It’s just that if you are expecting a boy, chances are you may experience more nausea or food aversions.
7. Babies name their mamas.
“Mom, mama, mummy, mamma, ammi, ma, me, emi, mimi.” There’s a pattern in the name for mother in all languages and this is because the “em” sounds are usually the first vocalization for a baby. It’s also the easiest sound a baby can make while babbling. And so it’s our babies who name us and call us mamas.
8. The mommy brain fog is very real.
If you see new moms looking lost, there’s a scientific reason for this. Each pregnancy affects a woman’s brain and makes her lose gray matter. The effects last for around 2 years. Science says that this temporary bewilderment makes mothers closer to their babies as well.
That said, the gray matter regenerates and any confusion or forgetfulness is passing. The bond between a mother and her child is permanent.
9. A mother’s voice is as soothing as a hug.
A study has shown that a mother’s voice, even on the telephone, is as calming as a hug. Researchers introduced stress to a group of girls and then had 1/3 of them hug their mothers, another 1/3 of them talk to their mothers, and 1/3 watched an emotionally neutral film. The girls who spoke to their mothers calmed down much faster, just like those who hugged.
This proves that if you are under stress, your mother’s voice can flood oxytocin into your bloodstream, making you feel better. And we think Jennifer Garner already knows that, pictured here with her mother.
10. Babies can cry in the womb.
The baby’s first cry is not post-birth, rather studies now show that they can express displeasure inside the womb. This can happen as early as 28 weeks gestation.
Researchers played low-decibel sounds on the mother’s belly and could see that the baby opened their mouth and exhibited crying-like behavior. But it’s a silent cry. Researchers also added that this in-vitro crying was nothing the mother should worry about.
11. Pregnancies leave women vulnerable to tooth decay.
Pregnant women are at risk for tooth decay and there are many reasons why. The changes in diet due to cravings may give some women a sweet tooth and the hormones that cause nausea, meaning more acidity on your mouth, to mention a few. This leads to gum disease and decay.
A simple way to prevent it all is by making oral health a priority, especially when you are pregnant.
12. The earliest milk bottle use came to be 7,000 years ago.
As it turns out, the breast/bottle debate is prehistoric. And mamas back then were pretty innovative too. Researchers have found little clay vessels, some shaped into mythical animals with hands and feet, with milk residue in them.
The earliest of them date back to 7,000 years ago and have been identified as prehistoric feeding bottles for babies. The dairy residue has been identified as breastmilk and milk from a cow, sheep, or goat.
13. The Ice Age made human breast milk more nutritious.
Human beings need sunlight to survive because our bodies only synthesize vitamin D in the sun. Allegedly, the last Ice Age should have wiped us out because newborns were not getting any vitamin D, considering the intense cold and lack of sunshine.
Scientists believe that a genetic tweak happened and mothers could transmit vitamin D and essential fatty acids to their newborn babies, and this may have ensured human survival.
14. Pregnancies can be contagious.
A study of more than 30,000 women conducted in Germany has indicated that pregnancy is contagious. It spreads from woman to woman in workplaces, in an endearing way. The results stated that “in the year after a colleague gives birth, transition rates to first pregnancies double.”
So if you are in the workplace and someone is pregnant, expect more pregnancies to pop up.
15. Most mammal moms carry their babies on the left.
Human mothers and even some mammal mamas cradle their babies on the left side of their bodies, closer to their heart. This is irrespective of a left-handed or right-handed mom. Science says that all the sensory information that comes from the left side of the body is processed on the right side of the brain.
The right side is where all the emotions are. And surprisingly enough, babies prefer to keep their moms on their left side as well, so it works for both mom and babe.
Bonus: Celebrity moms speak about motherhood.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
“I did start to feel this new sense of life. And now my confidence is so much greater.”
Lauren Burnham Luyendyk
“Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m in awe of the ladies that make it look so effortless, and even the ones who don’t, you are superheroes.”
Do you have any other experiences as a child or a mother that show us that moms are actual superhumans? Share your motherhood stories with us and spread the joy.
Please note: This article was updated in June 2022 to correct source material and factual inaccuracies.
Preview photo credit laurenluyendyk / Instagram
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