According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Grandma’s Final Lesson – The Seeds of Love and Hope
After a painful divorce, I arrived at my shunned grandmother Helen’s home for her 80th birthday, seeking solace. Her wisdom, “Life’s like a garden,” felt oddly prophetic. But my fate changed forever when her simple request led me to unearth a secret Grandma had been hiding.
I never planned on showing up at Grandma Helen’s doorstep feeling like I’d just survived a hurricane. Life had other plans. The kind that leaves you holding divorce papers in one hand and three kids’ hearts in the other.
A cottage nestled in a lush garden | Source: Midjourney
But there I was, watching my children struggle with balloons in the spring breeze while I balanced a lopsided birthday cake I’d managed to bake between their soccer practice and my job interviews.
The house looked smaller than I remembered, its white paint peeling at the edges, shutters hanging slightly crooked.
But the garden was just as it had been in my childhood, bursting with color and life. Roses climbed the trellis by the porch, their pink blooms nodding in the wind like old friends saying hello.
Pink roses growing on a trellis | Source: Midjourney
“Mom, what if she doesn’t want us here?” Tommy, my eldest, voiced what we were all thinking.
His sisters, Emma and Sarah, aged nine and six, pressed closer to me on the narrow porch. Tommy had been doing that lately, speaking the hard truths that the adults in his life seemed afraid to voice. Just like he’d been the one to ask why Daddy wasn’t coming home anymore.
“She’s family,” I said, though the words felt hollow.
A woman standing on a porch holding a cake | Source: Midjourney
The rest of our relatives had written Helen off years ago, claiming she was stubborn, difficult, and maybe even a little crazy since she tended to ramble about her flowers.
It was also well-known that Grandma Helen didn’t have any money. She was 80 years old, and I’m ashamed to say that my family believed there was no need to put up with an older relative they wouldn’t inherit anything from.
A woman frowning | Source: Midjourney
Sarah tugged at my sleeve.
“The balloons are getting tangled,” she whispered, her small fingers struggling with the ribbons.
A gust of wind sent them dancing, and one balloon broke free, floating up into the oak trees that lined the driveway. I watched it disappear, a bright red spot against the blue sky, and wondered if this whole idea was as foolish as that runaway balloon.
The door creaked open before I could second-guess myself further.
A balloon floating away in the sky | Source: Midjourney
There stood my grandmother, her silver hair caught in the sunlight, eyes bright as ever. She wore her favorite gardening apron, covered in dirt smudges and faded flowers, looking nothing like someone who should be celebrating such a milestone birthday.
“Louise?” Her voice wavered. “Oh my goodness, Louise!” She wrapped me in a hug that smelled of lavender and fresh bread, careful not to crush the cake. “And these must be my great-grandchildren!”
The kids, usually shy around strangers, melted at her warmth.
Three siblings standing on a porch | Source: Midjourney
Emma, always the diplomatic one, stepped forward first. “Happy birthday, Great-Grandma. Mom helped us make you a cake.”
“Did she now?” Helen’s eyes crinkled with delight. “Well, isn’t that wonderful! Come in, come in! I just pulled a chicken pot pie from the oven. Divine timing, I’d say.”
Soon, we were all crowded around her kitchen table, the familiar checkered tablecloth bringing back memories of summer visits when I was young.
A woman seated at a table | Source: Pexels
The pot pie tasted just like I remembered, and Helen kept the conversation flowing as naturally as the sweet tea she served.
“Tell me everything,” she said, watching the kids devour second helpings. “Tommy, you’re wearing a Seattle Sounders shirt. Do you play soccer?”
Tommy straightened in his chair. “I made the travel team this year. But…” he glanced at me, “I don’t know if we can afford it now.”
The silence that followed felt heavy, but Helen didn’t miss a beat.
An elderly woman seated at a kitchen table | Source: Midjourney
“You know, your great-grandfather played soccer. Had the fastest feet in his county. I bet you inherited those quick reflexes from him.”
“Really?” Tommy leaned forward, hunger forgotten. “Did he win any championships?”
“Oh, the stories I could tell you!” Helen launched into a tale about my grandfather’s glory days on the field, and I watched my son’s face light up with each detail. She did the same with Emma, discovering her love of art, and Sarah, who shyly admitted she liked to sing.
An elderly woman speaking to her great-grandchildren | Source: Midjourney
Later, I sent the kids outside to play and explore Grandma’s garden while we spoke. We sat down together, and she gave me a look I remembered all too well.
“You’ve got something heavy weighing on your heart, Louise. What’s troubling you?”
Of course, nobody in the family had told her about my husband leaving me. This trip from out of the country with the kids hadn’t included informing Grandma of my current life crisis, but it all poured out of me now.
A woman crying | Source: Pexels
“Oh, Louise!” She leaned over and hugged me when I finished speaking. “I’m so sorry to hear about Mark, but the pain will pass. Life is like a garden, you know. Storms may destroy your flowers, but the soil remains fertile. You just have to know when to plant again.”
I looked at her as I dried my tears. Her words, though simple, had shifted something inside me. I felt lighter in that moment, as though the storm she’d mentioned was starting to clear.
As the evening wound down, Helen touched my arm. “Louise, would you do me a favor before you go? My daisies need to be replanted. It won’t take long.”
An elderly woman sitting in an armchair | Source: Midjourney
I was exhausted, but how could I refuse?
The garden looked different in the late afternoon light, shadows stretching across the neat beds where Helen had clearly spent countless hours. Every flower bed was edged with care, and each plant was placed with purpose.
“Just here.” Helen gave me a pot and pointed to a patch of daisies. “They’re a fragile variety and won’t survive the winter if I leave them out in the garden.”
Daisies growing in a garden | Source: Pexels
I set to work as Grandma went back inside to keep an eye on the kids. After a short while, the trowel hit something with a dull clang. My heart jumped, but I kept digging.
My hands trembled as I unearthed a metal box, its surface scratched but intact. Inside, I found my grandfather’s pocket watch, its gold face still gleaming after all these years. My great-grandmother’s pearl necklace lay beside it, along with an envelope.
I dusted my hands off and carefully opened the envelope.
An envelope on a metal strongbox outside | Source: Midjourney
Inside, there was a short note: “My dear, if you’ve found this, it means you truly listened. Use these treasures to build the life you deserve. Love always, Grandma.”
Confused, I brought the box inside and showed it to Helen.
“WHAT IS THIS?” I asked.
She chuckled softly. “Ah, finally! I’ve waited for this moment for five years! Darling, you are the only person from the whole family who fulfilled my little request,” she said.
An elderly woman grinning | Source: Midjourney
She placed her hand over mine and said, “I’m leaving all the money I have, this house and garden to you, my dear. With three kids and a fresh start ahead, you’ll need it more than anyone!”
She leaned forward, her eyes intense. “I’m not poor, Louise. I’ve saved every penny your grandfather and I earned. The house is paid for, and there’s quite a bit more besides.”
My mind reeled. “Grandma, I didn’t come here for—”
“I know exactly why you came.” Her voice was gentle.
A woman sitting in an armchair | Source: Midjourney
“You came because you remembered me on my birthday. You came because you wanted your children to know their great-grandmother. And that’s why you deserve to inherit everything one day. Besides, this garden has plenty of fertile soil left for your fresh start.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll stay. Say you’ll let me teach these little ones about gardens and life and starting over.”
I did stay.
An elderly woman sitting in an armchair | Source: Midjourney
We moved in that week, and the next six months were a gift I’ll treasure forever. Helen taught the children how to grow flowers and vegetables while sharing pieces of our family history I’d never known.
She also taught me about investments and the careful planning that had built her nest egg. More importantly, she taught me resilience, about blooming where you’re planted and finding strength in starting over.
When she passed away that spring, it was peaceful. She went to sleep in her favorite chair, a book open on her lap.
An elderly woman reading a book | Source: Midjourney
The house felt empty without her, but her presence lingered in every corner, in every flower that pushed through the soil that spring.
I used part of the inheritance to open a garden center, something I’d never have dreamed possible before. My children flourished in the stability she’d given us.
Sometimes, when I’m alone in the garden Helen loved so much, I think about that metal box and how she patiently waited for someone who would take the time to dig deeper.
A woman walking in a garden | Source: Midjourney
Grandma Helen knew that love, like gardening, requires effort, faith that what you plant will grow, and understanding that the soil remains fertile after every storm.
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