According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Girl Rejected by 15 Families Is Adopted by Single Dad, Years Later He Finds Out She’s a Millionaire…
A man battling the grief of losing his family adopts a girl with Down syndrome and gives her a loving home. Nine years later, he gets a call from a stranger and finds out the girl he adopted is a millionaire.
It was a beautiful, sunny day, and birds were chirping merrily in the skies. Nothing seemed wrong with the world outside. But for 33-year-old Brian, it was the darkest day of his life.
Brian’s loving wife, Lyra, and his only daughter, Amy, were killed in a car accident that morning. He shuddered as he rushed to the police station for identification and saw their pale faces hidden beneath thin white covers. How could God be so cruel? How could he take his family away from him?
As they were buried, Brian felt like someone had drained out the blood in his body. He couldn’t take his eyes away from the fresh mounds of Earth beneath which his wife and daughter lay, and at one point, he wished he was the one there, not them.
After losing Lyra and Amy, Brian felt his life had lost meaning. “Brian, you can’t be stuck like that. You’re young, and you have a whole life ahead of you. The living should live on,” his mom told him one day.
“Mr. Hoffman,” said the lawyer. “Trust me. You’d like to come to my office for this. There is someone you’d like to meet.”
It had been five years since Brian lost his family, but for him, it still seemed like it was only yesterday when he’d seen his wife and daughter’s pale faces. How could he move on? How could he forget that the people he loved the most were no longer with him? It wasn’t easy for him.
One day, Brian returned from work and went about his tedious routine. He sat at his desk, checking reports and completing his office work like he always did. His work kept him occupied and distracted him from his sad thoughts.
He switched the browser tab to his Facebook account, and a post about a little girl with Down syndrome suddenly appeared. Brian would have missed it if it hadn’t been for the message on the post: “…Rejected by 15 families, and yearning for a loving home. Andrea is a lovely girl with special needs and wishes for a family.”
Brian sighed and stared at the post for a few minutes. He needed a family, and so did she. Life had been cruel to both of them in different ways, and perhaps this was God’s way of finally relieving him of pain.
Brian thought about the Facebook post all night, and he wondered if she should adopt the girl. As a single father, he knew the process would be difficult, but this girl really needed a loving home, and he knew he could give her that.
“All right then,” he told himself. “I’ll try.”
The next day, Brian called the number in the Facebook post and expressed his eagerness to adopt Andrea. The woman on the other end provided him with the contact information of the social worker in charge of Andrea’s case.
A few days later, Brian saw little Andrea for the first time, and his eyes welled up. She was a lovely little girl of six, dressed in a blue floral frock and staring at him with puzzled eyes.
Sadly, she was abandoned by her single mother because of her disability. “How sad,” Brian thought to himself as she entered the room.
“Hi, Andrea,” Brian told her gently. “I’m Brian. I’m here to become your parent. Would you like to have me as your dad?”
Andrea didn’t say anything, but she smiled and nodded at him. At that moment, Brian knew he would do anything to provide her with a loving home. And he did just that.
After the exhaustive documentation process, background verification, and parenting workshops, Brian was officially Andrea’s adoptive father and his life found new meaning. They were so happy with each other, so delighted. He was happy to become a father to a little girl again, and he couldn’t have wished for more.
They celebrated her birthdays together, and Brian’s parents loved Andrea too. He tried to be the best dad to her and ensured she never missed out on anything just because she was different from other children.
Brian didn’t even realize when Andrea turned 15 years old. Nine years passed so fast, but he felt as if he had brought his little girl home only yesterday. He was so happy with the turn his life had taken.
But a few months later, things started to get tough. Due to issues at work, Brian lost his job and had to hunt for a new one. He lived off his savings while searching for a job, which proved harder than he thought.
Eventually, things got to the point where he didn’t have enough money for basic necessities. He had to move to a smaller house and was struggling to make ends meet. But one day, help appeared out of nowhere.
Brian received a call from a man claiming to be Andrea’s mother’s lawyer.
“Yeah, so? What do you have to do with my child now?” Brian said angrily. “That woman abandoned my daughter right after birth, and you think I’d be willing to talk to you now?”
“Mr. Hoffman,” said the lawyer. “Trust me. You’d like to come to my office for this. As Andrea’s legal guardian, you will be receiving her mother’s million-dollar legacy on her behalf. And there is someone you should also meet. I’ll send you all the information following the call. I hope to see you this Friday,” he said and hung up.
Brian was understandably shocked. Why did Andrea’s mother leave her such a sizable inheritance if she wanted nothing to do with her child?
That Friday, Brian visited the lawyer’s office and met an old man there who turned out to be Andrea’s grandfather. He said he had no idea about his granddaughter until his daughter was on her deathbed, taking her last breath.
“Andrea,” she’d whispered, as she took his hand in hers. “Her name is Andrea…”
“I’ve missed out on so many years with my granddaughter,” he told Brian sadly. “I’d like to be there for her. I know you took her in legally, but I just want to be there for my grandchild. My daughter regretted abandoning her child in her final days… She was aware of her blunder, which is why she left her assets to her.”
Brian was more than happy to know Andrea had a family. In fact, he didn’t want to separate a granddaughter from her grandad.
Brian would soon take Andrea to her grandfather’s house regularly, so they could spend time together. And with the inheritance money, he paid off his debts and moved into a larger home while saving a considerable amount for Andrea’s future studies.
When he would visit Andrea’s mother’s grave sometimes, he felt a sense of relief in his heart. It made him believe she is content that her daughter had a good life and a loving home.
What can we learn from this story?
The ones who can give love always receive love. Brian was shattered after losing his family, but he still had a lot of love left in his heart. He gave that love to little Andrea, who returned it and became his new family.
You establish a family through love, not necessarily through blood. While Andrea’s biological mother abandoned her shortly after birth, Brian took her in and raised her with love.
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