A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
I Was Horrified My Daughter Was Marrying an Old Man—Until the Real Truth Came Out
My 18-year-old daughter fell in love with a 60-year-old man and planned to marry him, even though I didn’t agree. She insisted she was deeply in love with him. I was shocked when I found out a disturbing truth about him.
One afternoon, as the sun lit up the living room, I was going through some mail when Serena, my daughter, came home early from her part-time job. She walked in with her usual energy, bringing the scent of vanilla with her. I always looked forward to her monthly visits.
Hey, Dad! You won’t believe what happened with my roommate, Jessica…” she started, but quickly noticed I seemed off. “Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. Come on in,” I replied.
“So,” I said, trying to focus, “you were saying…”
“Yeah, Dad. Actually… I met someone, and he’s really nice and caring. His name is Edison. He really loves me, and we want to get married. But there’s something…”
“But what?”
“He’s sixty.”
The word “sixty” hit me like a shock. My daughter, just eighteen, in love with someone almost three times her age? Worry and disbelief flooded my mind. “Sixty, Serena? That’s… can’t you see the problem here?”
“Age doesn’t matter when it comes to love, Dad. Edison understands me and believes in me.”
“But Serena, what about the future? He’s so much older.”
“Love isn’t about numbers, Dad. It’s about feeling seen, loved, and cared for, and Edison makes me feel that way,” Serena said with a trembling voice. “Please, can you meet him just once? I promise, you’ll like him.”
I was speechless. Did Serena really understand what she was getting into? Still, I couldn’t say no to her request. What harm could one meeting do? I agreed to meet this Edison guy.
The next night at Edison’s place, I needed some air and stepped out onto the balcony. That’s when I overheard a conversation. “Annie, come on now,” I heard Edison’s smooth voice. “I’m your brother. You know me. It’s just harmless fun, a chance to win a little extra.”
“This is reckless, Edison,” a woman, likely Annie, responded sharply. “You’re playing with that girl’s feelings for some ‘harmless fun.’”
A cold feeling gripped me. “What are you talking about?” Edison snapped.
“The bet, Edison,” Annie hissed. “You think marrying a naive girl will make easy money to pay off your debts?”
My heart sank. Edison was using my daughter for a bet. I was furious.
I rushed back inside and found Serena. “Serena, we’ve been fooled! It’s all a game to him!” I blurted out.
“Dad, what are you talking about?” Serena looked confused, then shocked as I explained the bet.
“He’s lying to you, Serena! He’s just using you,” I said, my voice shaking.
But Serena got defensive. “You’re making this up! You never liked Edison! He cares for me… unlike you, Dad. After Mom passed, you chose your job over me. I felt so alone. I didn’t need nannies or boarding schools, Dad. I needed you.”
Her words cut deep, but I knew we had to focus on Edison’s lies.
Then Edison walked into the dining room. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I punched him in the face, shouting, “Stay away from my daughter, you creep!”
But Serena was furious. “Stop it, Dad! It’s my life, not yours!” she yelled, pushing me back. I knew, no matter what I said, she wouldn’t take my side. She was blinded by Edison’s fake love.
I left, heartbroken but determined. I had to protect my daughter. So, I reached out to a friend who’s a private investigator. A few days later, he handed me a report on Edison’s dark past—filled with failures and a serious gambling addiction.
This was my chance to show Serena the truth and save her.
The report mentioned Duke R., Edison’s former business partner, who’d been ruined by Edison’s bad choices. Duke often hung out at a small diner called Le Beans Café, just outside of town. I found Duke’s phone number in the report and gave him a call.
At Le Beans Café, under the dim lights, I met Duke. Life had been hard on him, but he was eager to share everything about Edison’s gambling problems. He wanted to help me protect Serena from Edison’s lies.
After talking to Duke, I decided to go to Edison’s favorite casino, pretending to be “Parker,” a wealthy Texan. I dressed the part and had my story straight. When I sat down at Edison’s table, I smiled.
“Welcome, Parker. Big game tonight. Feeling lucky?” Edison asked.
I played carefully, and eventually won with a royal flush, beating Edison’s hand. He tried to stay calm, but I could see he was shaken.
“Looks like beginner’s luck,” he growled.
“Or maybe some of us just know how to play,” I said, my smile widening as the realization dawned on Edison. “Surprised to see me?”
Edison went pale, finally understanding who I was. “Billy? What’s this about?”
“It’s about Serena. Leave her alone, and we’re square,” I said firmly, making it clear he had no options. “Or,” I added with a cold edge, “you can settle the debt right now. In cash. And let’s just say, I have some… unconventional ways of collecting.”
“Fine, I’ll stay away from her,” he muttered, clearly defeated.
I left the casino feeling like I had won, but something didn’t sit right. Edison gave in too easily, and deep down, I knew this wasn’t the last of it with Serena.
Fury surged through me as I listened to Serena’s voicemail yet again. Why wasn’t she answering my calls? In desperation, I called her friend Sarah, who cheerfully dropped a bombshell: “Oh, didn’t you hear? Serena’s engagement party with Edison is tonight. You should come, Mr. Thompson. It’s at The Grand Springs, starts at eight.”
“Engagement party? With Edison?” I was stunned.
“Yes! Didn’t Serena tell you?” Sarah replied, unaware of my shock.
I headed straight to The Grand Springs, my mind racing. When I arrived, the sight of Serena glowing with happiness beside Edison, who charmed the guests with ease, made my heart sink. My anger hit a boiling point as I approached Edison.
“We need to talk. Now,” I demanded, pulling him aside.
“Now? During the party?” Edison smirked, trying to brush me off. But I wasn’t in the mood for games. Grabbing his arm, I dragged him into a quiet bathroom, ready to confront him once and for all.
“You think you can just waltz in and take my daughter’s life?” I spat, pressing Edison against the wall, fury coursing through me.
“She loves me. And your dirty little secrets? They could destroy you,” Edison shot back with a sly grin, clearly aware of something about my past that could hurt me.
“But you’re not going to get her. Not on my watch!” I snapped, though the mention of my past mistakes left me rattled inside.
Edison, unfazed, straightened himself. “Two minutes, Thompson. Then I call security,” he warned, his voice dripping with arrogance. “You really think you can stop this, Daddykins? She loves me. She wants me. And if you even try something—if she sees a scratch on me—she’ll turn her back on you forever. Is that what you want, Thompson? To be completely abandoned by your sweet daughter?”
I stood there, torn. As much as I hated Edison, I knew he was right. Serena was already drifting away, and if I pushed her further, I might lose her forever.
Defeated and heartbroken, I ended up sitting outside, the bright city lights mocking my failure to save Serena from Edison’s lies. I buried my face in my hands, feeling utterly helpless.
As I sat there, lost in my own despair, a soft cough interrupted my thoughts. Looking up, I saw a woman standing nearby. She had tall, graceful posture, and her gray hair shimmered gently under the faint streetlight. Her expression was kind, but serious.
“You’re Mr. Thompson, right?” she asked quietly.
I blinked, recognizing her. “Annie? Edison’s sister?” I said, surprised.
She gave a small, knowing smile. “Yes. We’ve met before, back at Edison’s when you tried to protect your daughter,” she reminded me.
Without hesitating, I poured out the whole mess—how Edison was tricking Serena, manipulating her, and now had her on the brink of marrying him. “You know what he’s doing, don’t you?” I asked, my voice filled with desperation.
Annie nodded solemnly. “Yes. I’m aware.”
Annie clenched her fists, her anger toward Edison clear. “That conniving weasel,” she finally spat. “He’s wasted everything—our inheritance, my savings from years of performing… all gone to feed his gambling addiction.”
“We could stop him,” I said, sensing she might be open to helping me.
Annie raised an eyebrow, curious. “What do you have in mind?”
I laid out my plan, hoping to convince her. I even offered her some money to get things moving. “Consider this a start,” I said, handing her the cash.
She looked at the money for a moment and then nodded. “I’m listening,” she said, her interest piqued.
We decided to move forward with the plan at the wedding. Annie blended in, pretending to be just another guest. The ceremony went smoothly until the crucial moment arrived—Edison was about to slip the ring onto Serena’s finger.
Suddenly, a young woman stood up from the crowd and shouted, “He’s a liar!”
As more people stood up, one by one, sharing their stories about Edison’s deceit, the atmosphere in the room shifted. Edison tried to keep his cool, but panic flashed across his face. “No, they’re lying! I don’t even know them,” he stammered, but the cracks in his facade were showing. Everyone was beginning to see who he truly was.
Our plan was working. What was supposed to be a wedding turned into a public unmasking of Edison’s evil deeds. His lies were exposed, leaving no place for him to hide.
In a moment of heavy tension, an older woman approached Serena. “Don’t fall for his tricks, dear. He’s nothing but trouble. Get away from him while you can! I’ve been a victim, too,” she said with conviction, her voice filled with the pain of past betrayal.
Watching through a video call, I saw the realization dawn on Serena’s face. Her world crumbled before her eyes. In a moment of heartbreak and clarity, she yanked off her wedding ring and threw it to the ground. Her dream of happiness shattered, but she had finally seen the truth.
The plan I had put together with Annie and her group of actors had worked perfectly. Exposing Edison’s true nature in front of everyone was the only way to save Serena from making a terrible mistake. She ran out of the church, heartbroken and overwhelmed, but it was the wake-up call she needed.
Things took an even more serious turn when the police arrived to arrest Edison. It was clear his time was up, and he would finally face the consequences for his lies and scams. Though getting Annie’s help had cost me a lot, the sight of my daughter free from Edison’s grip made every sacrifice worth it.
Later, when I met Serena at her place, it was an emotional moment. Tears filled her eyes as she apologized. “Dad, I’m so sorry. I should’ve listened to you,” she said, her voice breaking.
I hugged her tightly and handed her a plane ticket to Boston. “It’s time to start over, to chase your dream,” I said gently, reminding her of her passion for fashion design. It was the fresh start she needed, and I was grateful she was ready to move forward.
Serena looked at me with gratitude and hope in her eyes. “Thanks, Dad. I love you,” she said softly, and in that moment, I knew we were going to be okay.
This whole ordeal had reminded me how crucial it is to be present for our children, no matter what. I realized that if I had been more involved in Serena’s life, she might never have fallen for someone like Edison. The experience taught me a huge lesson about family, love, and responsibility.
From that day forward, I promised myself to make Serena my priority. We only get one chance to protect and guide our children, and I wasn’t going to let anything come between us again.
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