A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
After 23 Years of Marriage, Wife Asks Husband on a Date and Learns He Is Ashamed of Her — Story of the Day
A woman decides to ask her husband out on a date to rekindle their flame. He refused, admitting he was ashamed of her, only to learn an important lesson from one of his good friends later.
Jack and Mary had been married for 23 years with four children who needed constant attention from Mary. Their life was a routine, something that no longer excited the couple.
Their daily routine differed from one another. Jack would come home from work, lay on the couch, and watch television until dinner. Meanwhile, Mary worked the entire day, cooking dinner, washing everyone’s clothes, caring for their youngest child, and guiding the other kids with their homework.
When Mary would finally have free time late at night, she’d watch romantic films and imagine herself in them. She’s been dreaming of going on a date, as she and her husband haven’t gone on one in a while.
Mary wanted to go on a date with her husband, as they haven’t been on one in a while. | Source: Shutterstock
However, when Mary looked at herself in the mirror, she was saddened by what she saw. She looked nothing like the women in the movies.
She glanced at her wedding photo in front of the mirror and couldn’t believe her eyes. She now saw a tired, sad old woman instead of the cheerful young girl she once was.
Shaking the thought, she decided to change her reality. The next day, when Jack returned from work, she sat him down at the dinner table.
“Jack, I was thinking… maybe we can go on a date? There’s a nice place that opened downtown. Maybe we can go check it out,” she suggested.
Jack scoffed and was surprised that Mary even initiated it. “Date? Why would we go on a date? Is today a special day or something?” he asked.
Mary always looked tired, as she looked after the entire household every single day. | Source: Pexels
Mary shook her head. “Well, we don’t have to wait for a special day to go out on a date… we can make any day special,” she smiled kindly.
Instead of feeling touched by Mary’s gesture, Jack started to feel irritated. “Look at you!” he told Mary. “You look terrible. I’m not going anywhere with you.”
Mary felt hurt by her husband’s harsh words, especially since she looked that way because she had just finished cleaning their house. “I just finished doing all the housework; that’s why I look like this,” she justified.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You look like this every day. You used to take care of yourself, fix your hair, dress up well, but now you look like an old maid. I don’t know when you started to let go of yourself,” Jack told her.
Mary’s eyes filled with tears. “Even when you cry, you look terrible. Do you want the truth? I’m ashamed of you. I can’t take you out like this,” Jack said before walking out the front door.
Mary couldn’t help but cry after hearing such hurtful words from her husband. | Source: Pexels
Jack went to his friend Samuel’s house and invited him to a bar for a beer. But Samuel turned him down immediately. “Sorry, mate. I’m going on a date with my wife. There’s this new place downtown I wanna take her to.”
Jack was offended that his friend refused a trip to the bar for a date with his wife. Then he saw Samuel’s wife heading down the stairs. She looked beautiful in her dress and had a big smile as she held flowers in her arms.
“Sam, I just found this bouquet on the table in our room. Did you put them there?” she beamed, kissing Samuel on the cheek.
“Yep, surprise! Also, here…” he said, taking a paper bag from behind the front door. His wife opened it and inside was a beautiful evening dress.
“Oh, Sam. This is beautiful! You are the best husband! Let me change quickly. I will wear this dress on our date,” she said excitedly, rushing back upstairs.
Samuel surprised his wife with flowers before their date. | Source: Pexels
Jack was stunned at what he had just witnessed. “Sam, your wife is beautiful, and you two look so in love! My wife always looks miserable. She barely ever smiles nowadays,” he said.
“When was the last time you asked Mary out on a date?” Samuel asked his friend.
“I can’t remember… two years ago, maybe?” he replied.
“You last asked her out on a date two years ago, and now you’re complaining to me that she doesn’t smile?!” Samuel said, hitting his friend playfully on the arm.
Shaking his head, Samuel decided to give Jack a valuable piece of advice. “You know, mate. I make every single day special for my wife. She’s the light of our home. She deserves all the love and appreciation from me. She’s always been beautiful, but every day, she puts in extra effort to look even more beautiful – because she feels loved.”
Samuel makes every day special for him and his wife. | Source: Pexels
Jack stood there, quietly absorbing what Samuel was saying. He realized he had a responsibility he hadn’t been fulfilling toward his wife.
“When I take my wife on a date, it’s not because it’s a special day. It’s because I choose to make every day special. Try it, mate. It might work wonders on your marriage,” Samuel suggested.
Jack nodded, realizing that what Samuel said was what Mary was trying to tell him earlier. “Thanks, Sam. Well, enjoy your date tonight. I’ll go back home now.”
When Jack returned home, he had a gift for Mary. “I’m sorry for hurting you with my words earlier today. I was being disrespectful, and you didn’t deserve that,” he said, handing her the gift box. “Would you like to go out on a date with me tomorrow? I booked us a table at that cool place downtown…”
Jack surprised Mary with a gift before asking her out on a date. | Source: Pexels
Mary looked at Jack, surprised. She was thrilled and smiled the same cheerful smile she used to show him every day when they were younger. She opened the gift box and saw a beautiful silver necklace.
“This is so beautiful, Jack. Thank you. I would love to go on a date with you tomorrow,” she replied.
The following day, Jack saw Mary transform right in front of his eyes. She looked breathtaking, and he was reminded that he had the most beautiful woman by his side. He was happy, and so was she.
Since then, both Mary and Jack have made it a point to work on their relationship. They rekindled the flame between them, and it did wonders not only for themselves but also for their family life.
What can we learn from this story?
- You don’t need a special day to celebrate. You can make every day special. Jack initially believed dates should only be celebrated on special occasions. His good friend Samuel made him realize that every day could be memorable, and it was up to him to make it that way.
- Show your loved ones your love, support, and appreciation every day. We often overlook the little things our loved ones do for us every day. It’s important to pay attention to them and show your appreciation so that love continues to bloom at home.
Share this story with your loved ones. It might inspire them and make their day.
If you liked this story, you might like this one about a wealthy inventor who abandoned his wife for a younger woman, only for her to save him from a thief later on.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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