According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Woman Starts Working as a Nanny and Finds the Shoes of Her Long-Lost Daughter — Story of the Day
While working as a nanny, Lori uncovered something she never thought she’d see again—a pair of shoes that once belonged to her daughter, who vanished 22 years ago. The shoes, a painful reminder of the past, were now inexplicably in the home where she was caring for a little girl.Lori sat on the living room floor, her hands trembling as she pulled the lid off another dusty box. Old memories flooded her mind, filling the air with a heaviness she couldn’t shake.
Three-year-old Marissa, the sweet little girl Lori was caring for, stood nearby, her wide eyes filled with confusion. Marissa didn’t understand why Lori was crying so hard. Lori was clutching a tiny child’s shoe in her hands, tears streaming down her face. This shoe had belonged to her daughter, who disappeared 22 years ago. Her mind raced, trying to make sense of it, but nothing added up. Just then, the front door creaked open, and Lori heard footsteps. Emily, Marissa’s mother, entered the room, her face filled with concern.”Lori, are you okay?” Emily asked, her voice trembling with concern.Lori didn’t look up. Her voice cracked as she asked, “Where did you get these shoes?”Emily’s heart raced. She glanced at the small shoe, then at Lori. “I… ,” she stammered, struggling to find the right words. 22 years ago…Lori sat on the floor, carefully folding clothes and placing them into a small suitcase. She glanced at the list beside her, checking off items as she packed.It was Olive’s first trip without her, and Lori’s heart felt heavy. Olive’s father, Chris, was taking her to Scotland. Lori wasn’t sure if she could trust him to handle everything. Scotland seemed so far away, and the thought of being apart from her little girl made her anxious. As she zipped up the suitcase, four-year-old Olive came bouncing into the room. “Mom, why can’t you come with us?
” Olive asked, looking up at Lori with wide eyes.Lori knelt beside her and smiled. “I’d love to, sweetie, but this is a special trip for you and your dad.” Olive frowned. “What will I do without you?””You’ll have fun with your grandparents,” Lori said, brushing a curly strand away from Olive’s face. “You’ll see where your dad grew up and learn about Scotland. It’s a part of who you are.” Olive’s eyes filled with worry. “But I’ll miss you.”Lori’s heart ached as she pulled Olive into a hug. “I’ll miss you too, sweetheart. But it’s only five days, and we’ll be together again before you know it.” Olive pulled back a little, her face thoughtful. “Is five days a lot or a little?” “It’s a little,” Lori said, stroking her daughter’s cheek. “The time will fly by.”Olive nodded slowly. “Okay, but promise we’ll see each other soon. Promise you’ll miss me.” Lori smiled and kissed the top of Olive’s head. “I promise, baby. I’ll miss you so much.” She held Olive close, not wanting to let go. A few hours later, Chris arrived to pick up Olive. Lori knelt down, gently slipping Olive’s little shoes onto her feet. She had embroidered tiny flowers on them herself, making them special. “Be good for your dad, okay?” Lori said softly, hugging Olive tightly. Olive nodded and smiled, but Lori could still feel a tug in her heart as they left for the airport.Later, her phone buzzed. It was Chris, calling to let her know they had arrived safely. He sent a picture of Olive smiling at the airport. Lori smiled, feeling a small sense of relief, but deep down, a knot of worry still remained. Something didn’t feel right. Chris and Olive had been in Scotland for four days. They were supposed to return the next day. For the first three days, Chris had been good about sending Lori photos of Olive. Each picture showed Olive smiling, exploring new places, and it gave Lori some peace.But on the fourth day, nothing came. No messages. No pictures. Lori’s worry grew with each passing hour. She tried calling Chris, but her calls went straight to voicemail. She texted him, hoping for a quick response. Nothing. Her heart began to race. She called Chris’s parents, but there was no answer from them either. That’s when she knew something was wrong. Her hands trembled as she dialed again, but still no answer. Lori spent the entire day by the phone, her mind racing with horrible thoughts.Finally, in the evening, her phone rang. She saw Chris’s name on the screen. Without hesitation, she grabbed it and answered.”Chris, is everything okay? I was starting to worry,” Lori said, her voice tense.There was a pause. “Lori, are you sitting down?” Chris asked quietly. Lori frowned. “What? Why would I need to sit down?” she replied, her heart starting to race. “Just answer the question, Lori. Are you sitting down?” Chris repeated, his tone firm.Lori’s voice shook. “Yes, I’m on the couch. What’s going on?” “Alright. Listen carefully. Don’t panic,” Chris said. Lori’s breath caught in her throat. “What? Why would I panic? Chris, what’s happening?” “Olive is missing,” Chris finally said.Lori felt her world spin. “What? What do you mean, missing? How could she be missing?” she nearly screamed. “We were walking in the city this morning. I lost sight of her for a second. She was just gone. But I’ve already gone to the police, Lori. They’re looking for her,” Chris explained. Lori’s hands shook. “She’s been missing since this morning? And you’re only telling me now? You lost our daughter!” she yelled, tears streaming down her face.”I’m sorry, Lori. I didn’t know what to do,” Chris said, his voice weak. “I’m taking the next flight. I won’t stop until I find her,” Lori said, and without waiting for his response, she hung up the phone, her mind spinning. Lori flew to Scotland the very next day, determined to find Olive. She couldn’t rest, couldn’t think of anything else. She spent years in Scotland, pouring all her time and energy into the search. She walked the streets, put up posters, and talked to anyone who might have seen Olive.But it was as if Olive had vanished into thin air. No one knew anything. The police helped at first, but as time passed, they stopped looking. Lori refused to give up, continuing the search on her own. But with each year, her hope faded a little more.Then, a few years later, the police contacted her. They had found a body in the river and said it most likely belonged to Olive, but it was hard to identify. Lori’s world fell apart in that moment. It was as if her heart had shattered.She knew then that she had lost her daughter forever. With no hope left, Lori returned home, broken and defeated.Present Day… Lori, trying to control her tears, looked at Emily, who stood silent, not knowing what to say. After a long moment, Emily finally spoke. “These are the shoes my family found me in,” Emily said softly. “I was very young then, and I don’t remember much. I just know that I got lost somehow. I remember arriving in a strange city by bus, where my family found me. They adopted me later.”Lori could hardly breathe. “That’s… impossible,” she whispered, disbelief filling her voice.Emily hesitated before continuing. “I didn’t know where I came from, or my parents’ full names. My adoptive parents tried to find them, but no one came forward. After a while, they gave up,” she explained. “When I was six, we moved here, and I’ve been here ever since.” Lori wiped her face, her hands shaking. “Is Emily your real name?” she asked quietly. Emily looked confused. “No. I had a different name when they found me. But they changed it when I was adopted,” she replied.Lori’s heart ached. “Your name was Olive, wasn’t it?” Lori asked, staring at her. Emily’s eyes widened in shock. “How… how do you know that name?” Lori’s voice shook as she raised the little shoes. “These were my daughter’s shoes. She was wearing them when she disappeared in Scotland.” Emily stared at her, tears forming in her eyes. “I lived there before we moved here.”Lori’s voice cracked as she said, “I can’t believe you’ve been so close all this time. I never should have stopped looking.” Emily’s voice broke. “So… you’re my mother?”Lori nodded, her tears falling again. “Yes.” Emily threw her arms around Lori, who held her daughter tightly, just as she had done 22 years ago when she was little. The feeling of finally being reunited filled Lori’s heart with both joy and disbelief.They sat there, not saying a word, just holding each other. Time seemed to stop for them. After a few moments, little Marissa wandered over, curious. She looked at them with big eyes, then wrapped her small arms around both of them. Emily laughed softly, her eyes still teary, and kissed Marissa’s head. So, you’ve already met your granddaughter,” Emily said, her smile softening as she looked down at Marissa, who was now sitting between them.”Yes, I have,” Lori replied, a warm smile spreading across her face. “I can’t believe I’ve been her nanny for two whole years without realizing she was my granddaughter.” Lori gently ran her fingers through Emily’s hair. “You used to have such bright red hair as a child. Marissa’s hair is the same color. What happened to yours?”Emily chuckled. “I started dyeing it in high school. I wanted a change, and I guess I just never stopped.” “That’s a shame,” Lori said with a hint of nostalgia. “You had such beautiful hair, just like Marissa’s.” Emily’s eyes welled up with tears again. She leaned in and hugged Lori tightly, overwhelmed by the emotions of the moment. Lori, still in disbelief, held her daughter close, marveling at the fact that after all these years, she was finally able to hug her little girl again.”If you hadn’t asked me to go through these old boxes, I might never have known you were my daughter,” Lori said, her voice soft. Emily wiped her eyes and grinned. “So, does that mean I don’t have to pay you extra for organizing them?” “I’m ready to give you all the money I have, just promise me you’ll never disappear again,” Lori said, her voice trembling with emotion. “I promise,” Emily replied softly. She hugged her mother, feeling the weight of all those lost years. Lori held her daughter tightly, her arms wrapped around her as if she could protect her from ever disappearing again. She closed her eyes, taking in the familiar warmth she had longed for over so many years. The fear that Emily might vanish once more lingered in her heart. This was truly her daughter—no longer the little girl Lori had lost so many years ago, but now a grown woman, with her own life and even a child of her own. Yet, to Lori, she was still her little Olive.
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